I have a coworker who is about to sign his final divorce papers this week. It’s been a tumultuous process, to say the least, and I’ve done my best to be supportive and helpful when I can. The bottom line, though, is that divorce is never easy. It’s a tricky road to navigate and sorting through friends, traditions, and resources that you share can be daunting. Throw in two kids and a custody arrangement and I don’t envy any of the stress in his life.

The last few weeks have brought to light a new complication that I hadn’t yet considered: dating. In my coworker’s mind, his relationship has been over for a while. They live separately, have worked out most of the custody and financial challenges, and all that is left is signing the final papers. One document stands between him and legal singledom, but he’s viewed himself as single for a while now.

He recently confessed to me that he had messaged with a woman on an online dating site this past weekend. I was caught off guard, because regardless of him feeling single, he wasn’t actually single yet. As much as I sympathized with his desire to move on and get past the last year, the idea that he was pursuing someone else while still legally married left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I can’t help but put myself in the woman’s shoes and think about how I would feel if I was talking to someone who later confessed their divorce wasn’t final. Would I be okay with that? Probably not. That would make me feel a rebound person, someone’s choice to quell their desperation and reassure themselves that they were still desirable. But maybe that’s just me.

Am I being too sensitive about this? Do other people feel similarly? I’d love any advice to pass along to my coworker as he navigates this!

Dating During Divorce is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

When people hear that I work for an online dating site, they always have something to say and an opinion to share. Most of the time, I agree with it, but other times, I’m left thinking, “WHAT?” There are some definite misconceptions about online dating floating around, so I thought it would be fun to take a minute and turn some online dating facts into fiction.

1. It’s Easy. Some people think that all you have to do is sign up, pay twenty bucks, put up a generic profile and all of the hottest guys or girls in the universe will be come running. Don’t we wish? Online dating takes a lot more effort than that, especially if you want to see good results. Simply put, online dating is hard. Blind date after blind date can be exhausting, and there’s nothing easy about being excited to meet someone in person, only to find out that they are way better online. The only thing easy about online dating is that you can do it from your couch, wearing yoga pants and no makeup.

2. That it’s a last resort. Online dating isn’t reserved for people who are having a hard time meeting someone in “real life.” For many, it’s the very first thing they do when they are ready for love-they jump online because they know that everyone else is doing it too. Forget the bar scene!

3. It’s not “real life.” Ok, I totally get that this is a phrase we use to simply distinguish the things that happen online from the things that happen in our day to day, face to face interactions, but it still bugs me! Signing up for online dating and putting up a profile that basically states that you’re looking for love seems pretty real to me.

4. You shouldn’t have to pay for love. I mean, if you happened to bump into the love of your life walking down the street one day, I envy you. For most of us though, love isn’t that kind of fairytale. First, not all sites require payment-there are plenty of free online dating sites, including ours. Second, it’s a small price to pay if you do end up meeting someone you can’t live without…consider it an investment in your happiness and creating your own kind of fairytale.

5. Everyone is looking for a hookup. A lot of people seem to believe that online dating is just a bunch of players looking for their next sexual conquest, but couldn’t the same be said for just about every bar or pub on earth? There are always going to be people without the best intentions no matter where you are-online or off. On the flip side, there are always going to be people who are there for the right reasons. It’s just a matter of taking the time to weed through the masses to find exactly what you are looking for.

5 BS Facts About Online Dating That Everyone Thinks Are True is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Last month, No Strings Dating asked their many readers and followers to weigh in on one very important subject…sex positions! They wanted to know what positions people can’t get enough of, and which ones should be retired. Instead of just writing up the survey responses, they created the following infographic. Check it out and see where you fall on the sex positions roulette table, the answers might surprise you-they certainly surprised me!

What Is The Most Popular Sex Position? (Infographic) is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Everyone has exes, and I would put money on the fact that most of us have one of thoseexes – the ones that never actually disappear and have a tendency to come out of the woodwork at very inconvenient times. In my experience, they come out in full force just after I’ve started a new relationship, almost as if they had a sixth sense.

I know how to deal with my exes – placate their need to “catch up”, remind them that theybroke up with me, and assure them they will not be lonely forever. But how do you handle it when someone you’re involved with is forced to deal with an ex situation? Seeing as how I recently found myself doing just that, I thought I’d share my strategies.

1. Be compassionate. We’ve all been there, and it’s not fun. I don’t envy anyone who has to work through all of the confusion that a resurfacing ex brings, especially if the ex is feeling like they want to get back together. As hard as it might be to understand through your hurt feelings in that moment, start from a place of empathy.

2. Tell them where you stand. Honesty is imperative at this point, and being honest with yourself is the most important. Make sure you know where you draw the line and stick with that. If you want to continue seeing them, then let them know that you will be there when they figure things out. If things weren’t going that great anyway, maybe now is the time to let it go.

3. Take a step back. Give them the space they need to work through their feelings about this. For some people it might not be a big deal and they’ll get over it quickly, but others might take longer. Decide how much time you’re willing to spend waiting, and then honor that.

We all have a past that we have to face every now and then, so my best advice is to be understanding and compassionate about it while also ensuring you are respected.

What To Do When Their Ex Comes Back is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

The following is an AMAZING guest post from the fabulous According To Jewels. This post had me nodding my head along with it as I read, and I couldn’t wait to share it with you! Thanks, Jewels! Make sure to check out her blog for more of her posts!

As we mature so do our interactions with the opposite sex or at least they should. I cant tell you how many women Ive seen who think they are being adorable and flirty but in reality are making themselves look like teenage girls, all giggly and ridiculous. Why have you aged but your flirting techniques havent? As we learn about men, ourselves, and the intricacies of relationships shouldnt our flirting techniques change to accommodate this new knowledge? One would think, but far too often Ive seen that this just isnt the case. Here are my top five flirting techniques to leave behind in your teenage years.

The Vapid Giggle

Ladies, we are adults now so why are you acting like a little girl? Who wants a woman who laughs at everything they say with a blank expression on their face? No man that I know and no man that Id ever want to be with. If he says something funny then laugh but dont laugh just to boost his ego. This doesnt work for several reasons. First, it makes you look and sound like an empty headed moron. Secondly, he probably knows that you dont actually find his job in tire sales funny!

Instead lets graduate to listening to what he is saying. When he is done talking ask a follow up question. Actually engage in the conversation. I promise you that actually being interested in what hes saying will be much more effective then just pretending to be. Lets give the guys some credit, they can tell the difference.

The Hair Twirl

The hair twirling or even worse, chewing, makes you look like a vapid idiot. Do not do this! Its not sexy; its not flirty. You think it is endearing and cute to twirl your hair around your finger while you stare longingly into his eyes? I promise you that you look childish and worse it often looks like a nervous tick. You are distracting him from listening to you and its hard to be taken seriously when you look like a prepubescent girl. Add a piece of chewing gum and youd belong in Clueless. Believe me when I say this is not the vibe you are going for.

We all know that body language is important but touching your hair or pushing it behind your ears is more age appropriate. Subtle touches to your face, neck, collar bone will bring his eyes to more flattering parts of your body in a confident and sexy way. If you really want to step up your game you can try licking your lips but lets not overdo this one.

Playground Flirting

This is also known as insulting, punching, or otherwise putting down a guy to gain his attention. When did this ever work? When the boy pushed you down on the playground and went home crying to your mom and she said, oh that just means he likes you. You didnt feel any better about being shoved to the ground, right? So why, as an adult woman, do you feel it is okay to punch, slap, or put down a man as a way to show affection? You see how silly that is right? Putting him down to build yourself up is ridiculous. Insulting him in order to gain his attention, albeit negative attention, is not effective and its incredibly immature.

You dont always have to be serious though. You can joke with your special guy to show your playfulness and sense of humor. You can tease him playfully about things but a blow to his ego is not the way you want to go. A man likes a woman who can give as well as take when it comes to playful banter. When you can hold your own around his friends and nobody needs to tiptoe around you that can be sexy. Be prepared with a witty comeback or pithy saying but keep it above the belt.

Putting down other men/women

He actually thought he had a chance with me but Im much more interested in you. Oh geez, really? He should be flattered right? Youve just succeeded in making yourself look like a b***h. Yes, creating competition will make you marginally more desirable but to do so at the expense of putting other people down will not earn you any bonus points. Critiquing other women, discussing how stupid his ex was to let him go, or what a jerk your ex was is not appropriate behavior. This behavior may have worked in high school but in the adult world people can see through the faade to the insecure woman who lies beneath.

You are a wonderful woman worthy of a good man, so act like it. Dont put down your ex and dont judge his. If you talk about others he knows a day will come where youll talk about him as well. No man can value and trust a woman who gossips as a way to gain attention. Get attention for your understanding, your compassion, and your ability to see the good in people. Act like a mature adult and set the bar high for expectations of his behavior as well.

Pretending to be helpless/dumb/the victim

This was the number one qualm of both men/women that I talked to. Women who act stupid for fear that their intelligence will be viewed as a turn off are not sexy. Sexy is smart women who can hold their own in a conversation. Sitting next to a man and watching football and pretending that you cant follow it so he can explain it to you is not endearing. Im not talking about asking him hang a towel rack so he feels like hes helping you when in reality you could do it. Im talking about the women who cant do anything by themselves, need their guys input on all decisions, and never speak for themselves or seem to have an opinion of their own.

Yes, men want to feel that they can provide for, protect, and bring something to the table but they dont need to rescue a helpless damsel. Do not dumb yourself down for any man. A good man, the right man, will love your intelligence and it will be on his biggest turn-on. As a strong adult woman you dont need to lessen yourself to gain acceptance. You are better than that!

So, ladies, lets raise the bar on our behavior and flirt like the fabulous women we are. We want to attract a good man, a mature man, and the only way to do that is to act like adults ourselves. Unless you want to relive the rollercoaster ride of emotions that was high school relationships lets ditch the methods that would attract high school guys. Aging doesnt always have to mean growing up, except for when it does, and relationships and interactions with men are one thing that have to mature to remain healthy.

5 Flirting Techniques To Leave In High School is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

It’s Mother’s Day in the states this Sunday, and so in honor of my beautiful (and oh so wise) mother, I thought I would share some of the lasting lessons she’s taught me about love.

1. Give Him a Chance. When I used to complain about guys to my mom, she would say things like “take it easy on him” or “well, maybe he didn’t mean it that way.” At first, I would get pissed off because she wasn’t up in arms like I was and cursing them into oblivion, but now I see that she was teaching me that there are two sides to every story, and not every guy I meet is an a*****e, even if he makes mistakes.

2. Don’t Talk Badly About The Person You Love…Or Used to Love. To this day, I have never heard my mother say anything nasty about my father, and that’s not because she was trying to put on a happy face for her children. When I asked her why she was always so PC, she simply said, “Well, I loved him a lot at one point…that’s all that matters.” This is why you’ll never hear me b***h and moan about my boyfriend, even when he annoys the crap out of me.

3. Sometimes You Have To Follow Love. My mom followed the love of her life to different countries, states and resigned herself to always being on the go because it meant being with him. At the time, I could never understand why she would give up so much to be with the man she loved, but now, sitting next to my boyfriend on the couch I can honestly say, I get it. While every situation is different, I’m thankful that she showed me that it’s not always about my needs and wants…when you’re in love, you’re a team.

4. Don’t Put Up With Being Treated Poorly. My mom doesn’t tolerate much b.s, and thanks to her, I don’t either. She taught me to expect the best from the men I date, and to never lower my standards. Sometimes, I thought my standards were too high, because it would have been a hell of a lot easier to lower them, but I’m glad I stayed true to how my mother raised me.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful moms out there! xoxo

4 Things My Mom Taught Me About Love is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Heather Rutman, author of the tongue in cheek book “Girls Guide to Depravity” claims that there is no greater libido killer than a guy who insists on splitting the bill on the first date. The question of “who should pay” on a first date seems to be a never ending and highly contentiousdiscussion in the dating world. Everyone seems to have a different opinion on the matter. Here’s my take:

I once went out on a first date with a guy, who when we arrived at the restaurant blatantly told me that he wasn’t going to order anything because he was broke. It was dinner time and I was hungry so I ordered a meal. The first part of our date involved him sipping on an ice water, watching as I ate a giant bowl of spaghetti. If his goal was to immediately kill all romance and make things as awkward as possible, he succeeded. This happened years ago when I had less dating experience. If the same thing had happened today, I probably would have walked out. Instead, I’ve chalked it up to a learning experience.

I’m not a materialistic girl by any means but I do abide by the following rule:

If you ask me out, you should be able to afford to treat me.

I guess I’m old fashioned in this sense but I love it when a guy immediately reaches for the bill on a first date. With that said, I don’t automatically assume a guy will pay on the first date. I always politely offer to chip in. However, I love it when he refuses and says “don’t worry about it!” It’s nice and it makes me feel special. If we continue to date, one of my favorite things is to treat my boyfriend to a meal at his favorite restaurant however, for the first date (especially if he’s asked you out) I feel like the guy should at least offer to pick up the bill. Whether you want to chip in as well is up to you.

As Rutman says in her book, during the first date he should be thinking about you and how lovely & charming you are…NOT about how much two beers is going to cost him at the end of the night.

When it comes to who pays on a first date here are my rules:

(Feel free to disagree with me here. This is just my personal take on the situation)

1) Whoever asked the other person out should offer to treat.

2) Don’t assume he’ll pay. Be polite and always carry enough cash to pay your way if needed.

3) If having someone pay for you makes you uncomfortable, that’s totally cool too. Be polite and speak up.

4) If you end up on a date with “Mr. I’m Too Broke to Order an Entree” do yourself a favor and walk out. From personal experience, the date doesn’t get any better. Just trust me on this.

Who do you think should pay on the first date?

Who Should Pay on the First Date? is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

I’m thrilled to share a guest post from Laura ofTwo INFPS, an amazing dating website she runs with her husband that I suggest you check out…after reading this post, of course.

Dating an older guy can be flat out awesome. Something about capturing the attention of an older man just makes you feel so damn special! They’re more refined and experienced than your same-age counterparts and seem so elusive and mysterious. They’re sexy, often gentlemanly, and are generally financially stable enough to always pick up the check.


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