Ive heard the term rational theology a few times lately. I am afraid to ask what it actually means because I dont want to offend the person who tells me the answer. As you know, I think it is an oxymoron.

But I cant just throw that out there. I have to base that on something. I feel sometimes that people think I am just mad at someone or someone did me wrong down at the church. Not true. It really does come down to those two words: rational and theology.

I guess I can throw out what I feel is a riddle right from the first chapters of Genesis and move on from there. Any good answers (no one knows the thoughts of God and His ways are higher than our ways is cheating) will be considered earnestly. I am rarely earnest, but I will be for a wee bit.

In the beginning, God creates Adam and puts two trees in the garden. One is The Tree of Life that will give them immorality, and the other is The Tree of Knowledge (or of Good and Evil). Although these trees predate the Bible in literature, I will take that this is the first use of them.

We are given two facts:

1) Adam (and soon Eve) is forbidden to eat from the Knowledge Tree (oh, the uncloaked metaphor).

2) God is omniscient (all-knowing).

Sois the Bible (or God or a scribe or whoever) lying when they said God was omniscient? Because that means he knew that Adam and Eve (given free will) would choose to sin and disobey.

OrIs the Bible true and God is omniscient and ,therefore, the most horrible, uncaring deity ever for setting up a scenario where all people from then on out following the sin of only 2 peoplewould be dying of disease, miserable, overdosed, in chronic pain, crushed by earthquakes, heartbroken AND going to hell for eternity with no escape?

Which one is it? The lie or the cruelty?

Why did God let Adamwieldall this catastrophic power, especially if he knew?

Here I am writing again. It’s because I am ripped up, can’t sleep; I’m mad, heartbroken and very confused. Perhaps it comes down to the fact that I am helpless, which is one of he main things that gnaws at me. When there is something happening in my life or those close to me, I have to do something–even if it makes it worse.

The campus where I teach has been tense over the last three weeks. There have been unrelated acts of violence plus spring weather that has triggered the tornado siren. I’ve been in lockdown with the same class 2 times since the semester started. Fortunately, my classes didn’t mind; they even enjoyed the forced companionship. But that is because the nature of my class is different from many others.

I teach a stretch class. I have the same students for a whole year. The first semester we build a community, really learn to trust each other and find the voice that might have never had a place to come out before. Many of my students are first generation college students. Our essays are personal, our discussions intimate. The students find each other between classes forfriendshipbecausethey already have that foundation.

The second semester thesefriendshipsdelve deeper. We lose some students between the two semesters and the ones who are with me in the Spring feel bondedbecauseit hits them that not all of the students from the last semester are as focussed on success as they are. That brings a deeper layer of kinship to the group. This semester I average 16 in each class, centered in a circle discussion style.

I write all this so that you, or maybe I, can understand the anguish I felt Wednesday night.

News hit that a basketball player at our school had beenstabbedto death. All the stations did the “Breaking News” tap dance. A young, clean-faced girl’s face came across every channel’s screen. Colin and I were dumbfounded. It seems the violence was building on campus and now a death. And of a popular student.

It happened off campus in one of the apartment buildings that circle the university. We had been through so much and now this.

I did not know the basketball player, but I had taught herteammatesin the past. The most disturbing thing was the physical struggle involved in this story. Perhaps a gunshot would have not bothered me as much. The victim, Tina Stewart, was big with defined muscles. She was not someone I would want to come across in a physical fight. So I began to see the struggle in my mind. I was saddened at what she went through, how physical and loud it must have been. The reports kept coming across the screen and I knew we were in for a confused week of mourning.

As I kept an eye on the news and replayed the bloody scene, a new report came up. Shanterrica Madden, the player’s roommate was in custody. I read it. And I read it. And then I felt like throwing up. Then screaming. My kids were asleep. I rushed into the living room shaking, telling myhusband”it was my student. it was my student.” And for a while I groaned, hunched over like I always imagined was unrealistic when I saw it in movies. I felt a physical poison in my stomach that I wanted to vomit out.

Within a few minutes a text came through from a student. “You know that stabbing, Prof. Ford? It was Shanterrica.” I called the student and we cried. I thought of going down to the police station, but knew I had to keep some distance. I had nodetails. I had no understanding.

I tried to sleep, but something else was haunting me. There was a report of a girl fleeing the scene.

It wasn’t 2 weeks prior that I found out that a girl in my 3rd class was good friends with Shanterrica. In fact, Shanterrica confused me one day by showing up for that 3rd class with the girl. She came by to say “hi” even though we had just been together a few hours before that. When the report came through that a girl had fled, I just had a feeling it was the student in my 3rd class. I emailed the student and had her call me.

“Were you there?” “Yes, Ma’am.” ”Have you seen a counselor? Are you with anyone?” “No ma’am.” I told her I was coming and to get to my office.

I’m not going to get into the details of what happened then or what the details that she told me were, but this girl was a mess. A mess. I spent the day with her and got her packed and ready to go home. The campus was tense. The girl who was killed was a popular student. She had the athletic leaders and community, as well as the president of the university, giving televised tributes to her. Flowers were all around campus. Students were already wearing blue in respect for her. It would not take a spark to ignite a physical attack on this eye-witness due to the simple fact that everyone felt like I did–we just had to do something. Anything.

Classes had already been canceled for Friday so that I could go to a professional conference on campus. But after talking to my students, I called Shanterrica’s class back to campus. I didn’t know how many would show up since i gave them the day off and Spring Break starts Monday.

I was fortunate enough to have afriendattend the class with me. She happened to be on the committee that supports other professors in times of distress and had been called to contact me. Of all the instructors on campus, I know a very few, and she is the one I know the most–so it was a great help.

Friday morning a majority of the students showed up. There was a lot of crying. There was angeragainstthe community who were so fast to bury Shanterrica and there was a sorrow at not being able to do anything. The emotions weren’t, and aren’t, pure. We are confused at how to feel. The community is calling Shanterrica a “thug” and saying that the university is letting “just anybody in.” This is kicking these students while they are down. They are in shock. This is not thetruthof what they know. This is:

Shanterrica Madden was a great student. She had goals and wasn’t messing around. When I told all my students how they could fix their essays that first semester, she didn’t just fix hers; she sought help on campus; she got in touch with me and she asked questions. I wish I didn’t have to say that was rare, but it was. And I told her that. It is a quality that really impressesinstructors.

She was kind. We talked sometimes before class when the girls hung out outside the door talking about their weekends. She laughed and has a great smile. Furthermore, because my class is very discussion based and hand-raising isn’t necessary, she never crossed the line of disrespect. That one is a hard line for students to see. If they are engaging with their teacher on a level platform in discussion, some forget to talk with respect. Shanterrica never did. This student was consistently polite in a class that sooner or later reveals the flaws in everyone.

The one thing that continued to come out as a theme in Shanterrica’s life was family. She has a great one, a loving one. She is not a troubled young woman. She was not a troubled student. She did not have rage; she did not exhibit any inappropriate reactions in class. She wanted to be a lawyer and make her family proud.

I cannot reconcile what happened that night with Shanterrica Madden. The facts are for the jury and judge. I won’t make any claims on what I think happened. But, as I told my class, we did not know a killer. We were not close to someone who could do something like this. She was not all these things people say about her.

Regardless of what happens, the majority of this promising girl’s life was not much different from the victim, Tina Stewart. They were both promising young students who were going to make their families and MTSU proud. They both excelled in their own ways. They both have friends who are confused and heartbroken. They both have parents who are destroyed.

I’ll be honest and say that I mourn Shanterrica. It doesn’t sound right. She is the one still alive. She is the one who might have a possibility of living free one day and getting married and doing all the things Tina won’t be able to do. I should be mourning the victim more, right?

I wish it was that clear-cut for me and my students. Perhaps if we had theprivilegeof knowing Tina, we would understand what we are feeling. Perhaps we would be sleeping, eating right and going 5 minutes without this eating out our skulls.

http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110304/NEWS03/103040333/Random-pairing-unravels-lives-MTSU-player-roommate

• If you dont remember someone, introduce yourself. It is common courtesy.
• Do not hand your actor bio sheet out to everyone and then tell me you only walked in the background of a Burn Notice scene.
• Dont do a white partyit makes you look like a cult or the cast-offs of P. Diddys party.
• Tessas first name is not Texas.
• If you look EXACTLY the same, I will assume you are doing EXACTLY the same. A little living is a good thing.
• If you shave your back, make sure it is freshly shaved before I pat you and almost get my palm stuck.
• If someone asks you how your life has been, do not respond with the fact that you have zero percent body fat.
• If you have plastic surgery, note that on your name tag as a courtesy.
• All moustaches should be pre-screened through a committee before arriving at venue.
• An open bar leads to proclamations of love.
• Dont listen to a guy who used to bring a fake rock to school when he tells you there are turtles on the beach.
• Not everyone needs to know you got a vasectomy.
• Knowing we all look like idiots while dancing to Super Freak a bonding.
• If someone says they dont remember you, respond by saying you were the thin, rich popular one.
• If you are a partner/spouse and I ask you for the fifth time if we had classes together, just go with it.
• Scope out and find the guy who made his jewelry out of nails; hes far more interesting than a walking T.J. Max mannequin.
• Dont be fooled that Dimension 20 made an impact. No one remembered it! The one person who did swears we sang Eye of the Tiger. Shit.
• Dont spit out your drink when someone tells you they were married while we were in high school
• Celebrate the nerds, cause now is definitely their day.
• And, of course, be prepared to be bewildered by the genuine people you never knew in high school and feeling that time is dear.
  
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