Hello world.
Life has been perfect for me. I got back from Cali the other day after 5 in the morning.
Pics later.
Thoughts later.
Sleep now.
Pretty lush.
I awoke last Saturday morning fully naked, proud new owner of a fat lip and piss in my bed. I got up to put my brand new pants on and they had blood streaked all over them. This is what happened . . .
I played a show at The Charleston Friday night with my metal band The Final Collapse. I had to close so I rushed to the venue as soon as I got off. My band headlined so there was one band playing before mine when I arrived. I had a whole bar tab to myself because Jon barely drinks and Andy is straight edge.
I downed four Crown and Cokes and a gigantic Long Island which was mostly alcohol (thanks to my friend and bartender Ben) within half an hour. I don't remember all of my set. I do remember saying we were from Japan and it was our first practice together and we had not written any songs yet. I busted my lip open and wiped the blood all over my pants because it was covering my hand.
As soon as my set was over I walked to the car with my girlfriend Courtney Cline and went home. She took care of me because she's awesome. She had to leave at 1 in the morning for work. She left me sleeping like a baby - well obviously . . . I mean I pissed myself for God's sake.
I regret nothing.
"O my father, favor me now. Lord of Flies, favor me now. Now I bring you spoiled meat and reeking flesh. I have made sacrifice for your favor. With my left hand I bring it. Make a sign for me on this ground, consecrated in your name. I wait for a sign to begin your work."
The voice died away. A wind had sprung up, gentle, bringing with it the sigh and whisper of leafy branches and grasses and a whiff of carrion from the dump up the road.
There was no sound but that brought on by the breeze. The figure stood silent and thoughtful for a time. Then it stooped and stood with the figure of a child in his arms.
"I bring you this."
It became unspeakable.
Yesterday at work this overtly nice, old man said I must be the strongest man in Silverdale. I told him I don't know about that, but I would like to think so.
I'm going to go run 5 miles now at 2:30 in the morning. FML.
I've lost 25lbs since April 28.
Oh hey.
I have today off and get off work tomorrow at 4: (360) 536-5508
Somebody save me.
Hey Blake,
how does it feel to know that you just weren't worth it anymore? You f**ked up.
f**k.
Well
I'm not straight edge anymore. Nothing else to say really. Well, there's a lot but it usually just stays inside my head.
My Grandpa Pablo has Parkinson's disease. Besides being the disease and joke that Michael J. Fox has it is a degenerative disease of the brain that often impairs motor skills, speech, and other functions. He has shakes and needs help getting out of his chair. Oftentimes he falls over just standing. I came pretty close to tears after hearing about it.
Last night I randomly went to Vancouver with Megan. It was a nice random roadtrip. We saw a couple of her friends and her mom made me good food and sent us home with food as well. It was good. I forgot how much I love driving. It was a good decision.
Tonight my band The Final Collapse is playing The Charleston. I'm just really not in the mood for standing in front of a bunch of people screaming at them as they stare blankly. We're not even scheduled to play until 11pm which sucks ass.
As time goes on I get increasingly more annoyed with parties. I get sick of the alcohol, the smoking. I think I'm getting more closeminded as time passes as well. I've been straight edge for 8 years or so now, woohoo go me. No one even cares about these things anymore. I never did it to find a sense of belonging or to be in some sort of clique. 99% of my friends aren't straight edge anyway. Maybe I'm just jaded or turning into a grumpy old man.
A lot of things have been going on lately. I just finished moving into a new place I'm actually happy to be at. I've been waiting for that for years. I just finished moving everything a day or two ago.
I haven't been seeing most of my friends lately and I guess paying the price. It's easier to stay at home and do nothing when you don't want to do anything else. I'm going to be completely broke come tomorrow because of rent. I'll have less than $5 for two weeks.
I've been getting shit for hours lately but still haven't been able to practice with my bands because I usually work on weekends. I've got a lot of new lyrics I have to write for The Final Collapse. I'm excited for the new direction our songs are going in.
I love Megan. I need to learn to control my temper. She's been trying to save me from my self-pity and childish ways. She means more than anyone ever has or will. I seem to be all she has here and I'm screwing it up.
There are so many things I want to do, most of them pertaining to music and writing. I just wish I was still creative. I've been at a loss as to what to do with my life. I keep waiting for something magical to happen but I need to do things myself. I'm too scared to put change into motion because I don't like the unknown.
I'm at my mom's right now because the nerve endings in her legs are causing her very bad pains. She has so many medical problems lately it's kind of scaring me. She just turned 39 but her having doctor appointments and going to the hospital have always been a normal staple in my life. I can't imagine how she feels. Having a husband that cheated on her that's always out to sea. She's constantly bed ridden and my brothers don't help her out nearly as much as they should but I suppose that I don't either. I'm worried about how long she'll be around and why she has to endure so much shit. My little sister isn't taken care of enough. My brothers don't play with her much and always pick on her. I have to get her off to school tomorrow and take my mother to a doctor's appointment.
I'm drained and my emotions are shot right now. Things have been horrible lately and I've only myself to blame. In having extreme self-control over certain things I've grown helpless in others. I only hope I can stop.
This year was one of the worst and best.
f**k resolutions. I'm more into life changes.
Loving the snow. Loving the girl. Loving Christmas. Love playing shows. Loving having money again.
I think I'll be living in an apartment in Port Orchard soon.
Merry Christmas!
Content and afloat.
You are singular.
When I look back and reflect on my life I think about only specific times when I was happy. The rest are void of importance now. Everything up until now were just trials and quizzes leading up to this test I suppose. I don't feel ready for this but I hope I am prepared. I hope to better myself because even though I am told otherwise . . . I am imperfect.
And now I'm wondering again how it will feel knowing that no one will understand and know one could. It wouldn't even matter if no one were to know what I was talking about. At least I know. For the first time in my life I can say I know.
I am an emotional human being; a lot effects me. I have never been so completely pleased and radiant that it has actually brought me to tears until now. And now when I look back and reflect on my life I think about only specific times when I was happy and how none of it comes even close to comparing to how happy - how blissful - I am now. No single word is descriptive or specific enough to put this emotion into words.
A lot of sweet things have been happening lately.
I've got a new girlfriend named Megan. No, I didn't meet her on the Internet. She's pretty rad and hopefully you'll meet her soon if you haven't yet.
I'm at this guy Cameron's house in Fontana, California right now. Is Electric is on tour right now and we played our first show last night at The Wire. We had quite a few mess ups but it was still the funnest show I've played so far. We also stayed at Spidercrack's house in Portland.
Going on tour is one of the sweetest things to happen in my life so far. We've still got quite awhile to go. We're coming back on the 4th.
We're playing a show in Torrance tonight and then got some free time to go to the beach and check out sweet shit. We have a show in Tuscon, AZ and we're recording at Audio Confusion in Mesa. The last Andrew Jackson Jihad CD was recorded there so I'm pretty stoked.
There's been a lot going on.
Too much to talk about. I rolled around with 12 people in a van last night and I'm at one of the most happiest points of my life right now. We went downtown and then to Evergreen park. Then we all ate at Pizza Time. Last that night I walked around town with Casey and Steve. Free-running.
Sha la la la. Sha la la la. Sha la la la la la la.
Tagging.
$Free.99.
I'm going backpacking with Vern soon. We're going to get a permit to backpack the back country, meaning anything that's at least a mile away from a trail. Hopefully we get lost in the Olympic National Forest.
BBQ/potluck thing at my house on Saturday.
Sha la la la. Sha la la la. Sha la la la la la la.
Every sleepless night is worth it when you don't care.
Time blends together.
There is someone I would like to kill for what they've done.
Best friends shouldn't get wasted alone.
And other than that sketchy business and music. And swimming.
