Description:
Frankie Muniz Is Back, in a Movie Called 'Pizza Man', and There's a Trailer.. Russell Crowe Might Hunt Dracula.. Kirk Cameron Joins Nicolas Cage in Finding National Treasure in 'Monumental' Trailer.. Hitchcock's 'Rebecca' Needs To Be Remade, Okay?..
Contents:
Frankie Muniz Is Back, in a Movie Called 'Pizza Man', and There's a Trailer
Frankie Muniz, Shelley Long, Diamond Dallas Page, Corbin Bernsen, Family Ties dad from Tremors, Rowdy Roddy Piper, yes, Adam West, and, sure, Stan Lee, have all come together to make the only kind of movie that cast is capable of making: Pizza Man, a film about Frankie Muniz being a pizza man, and then later becoming an invulnerable superhero named Pizza Man, because of a special tomato that's been scienced.
Russell Crowe Might Hunt Dracula
There are so many vampire things being made right now, it was only a matter of time before one pulled in Russell Crowe to lend the undead some of the dignity perhaps lost sometime between Twilight and the upcoming action movie about vampires fighting off Lincoln. The Oscar-winning actor is reportedly in talks with Warner Bros. to join, Harker, a film that re-imagines Bram Stoker's Dracula from the perspective of lawyer Jonathan Harker--except, as part of the deeper re-imagination process, Harker also isn't a lawyer anymore. Now he's the Scotland Yard investigator charged with investigating vampire murders, because that sounds way cooler. I have heard of both vampires and this Scotland Yard place! The Lee Shipman & Brian McGreevy-penned script is being directed by Unknown/Orphan director Jaume Collet-Serra, who has some free time now that his Akira has been essentially shut down. I guess you could say this vampire rose from the grave of Akira! But let's never say that. Let's just practice yelling "Har-KER!" in the way the cranky old police chief will, so that we get used to hearing it.
Kirk Cameron Joins Nicolas Cage in Finding National Treasure in 'Monumental' Trailer
Coming to theaters for one night only--just long enough to get its due Oscar contention--Monumental follows Kirk Cameron and his wadded-up American flag sidekick as they travel the U.S. and, lo, the world, looking to see if our Founding Fathers "might have left us kind of a map" that will lead us away from disaster and toward what we can only hope is a ham-fisted religious message. Kirk Cameron is Michael Moore, Nicolas Cage, and Christ all rolled up in the sleeves of a single work shirt.
As the Growing Pains older brother sees it, "something is sick in the soul of our country," and the same "history" that told him bananas disprove evolution now tells him that United States is headed toward utter collapse. Ut oh, Kirk! Thankfully, he has a solution. He's going to visit some monuments and alternately grimace and pose for inspirational senior pictures, and we'll see where American stands after that:
Hitchcock's 'Rebecca' Needs To Be Remade, Okay?
Look, Hollywood, we're all just trying to have a nice, relaxing Friday, alright? No need to do anything crazy like remake a Hitchcock classic or someth--oh, never mind, you're already remaking Rebecca:
'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World' Trailer: Steve Carell, Keira Knightley Learn Kirk Cameron Was Right
Lorene Scafaria's follow-up to Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist takes a marginally less twee route than its predecessor but seems to be getting at the same point: two people searching for something sometimes find that what they really were looking for was a bond between one another, guys! But while Nick & Norah explored this phenomenon through a painfully young, hip, white method involving mix CDs, indie shows, and Michael Cera, Scafaria's aptly-titled Seeking a Friend at the End of the World already starts off on a more tolerable-if-timely note, taking the Mayan calendar's predestined pairing of Steve Carell and Keira Knightley as strangers-turned-unlikely travel companions trying to find their loved ones before the imminent apocalypse. Instead (or maybe also?): they find May-December friendship (or maybe more?)! And they find Britta from Community at a T.G.I.Friday's place, so they both make out with her, those lucky dogs:
'Machete Kills' Poster Confirms Participation of Trejo, Blood
As we know, Robert Rodriguez is moving forward with the second film in his planned trilogy of Machete movies, and as such, there's now a poster to sell the sequel at the European Film Market this week. So if you would like to buy Danny Trejo's nightmarishly leathery face and some splattered blood, you'd better hurry, because that's what's sellin':
Han Never Shot First, Claims Fomenting George Lucas, as if It Even Matters Anymore
Faced with untold accusations of childhood rape, an increasingly defensive George Lucas has come up with a new but fairly standard defense against charges of improperly fiddling with his brainchild: outright denial. Speaking to The Hollywood Reporter, Lucas reminded Star Wars fans that his epic is "a movie, just a movie," then went on to negate a series of novelty tees by explaining, to the ire of any nerds who can still be bothered to care, that it's just a movie in which Han Solo at no point ever shot Greedo first. Ut!
'Beauty is Embarrassing' Will Teach You Where Pee-Wee's Puppets Came From
You may not know artist Wayne White by name, but if nothing else, your indoor childhood has probably exposed you to his work. He designed puppets and set for Pee-Wee's Playhouse and Beakman's World, provided art direction for the Smashing Pumpkins' Tonight, Tonight and Peter Gabriel's Big Time, provided cover art for the band Lambchop, and has earned both Emmy AND MTV Moon Man. He's pretty good, basically, and in the documentary Beauty is Embarrassing, the talking heads of Mark Mothersbaugh, Matt Groening, and Todd Oldham, will confirm as much. Here's the trailer:
Aerial Warfare-Based 'Paradise Lost' Cancelled
Though the idea seemed really awesome when they were sketching it in their Intro to English Lit notebook, Legendary Pictures has since had some second thoughts about creating an adaptation of Paradise Lost based entirely around super sweet mid-air combat. Alex Proyas had been set to direct Bradley Cooper as douchey Lucifer in a 3D, action-oriented take on John Milton's epic poem, but Variety reports the studio has now cancelled the project due to budget concerns. CGI wings cost a lot when you want them to morph into blades that shoot out of the screen in slow motion, and with such a sequence also obviously requiring the licensing of the Mortal Kombat theme, you can see how costs add up fast for a tome as heart-pounding as Paradise Lost.
Ben Walker, Casey Affleck, Djimon Hounsou, Rufus Sewell, Camilla Belle, Diego Boneta, and Callan McAuliffe were also set to star and now have some free time--as does Cooper, of course, so maybe now he can get back to his old, abandoned plan of starring in a remake of the The Crow. Shame to just stand by and see a such a nice skull-and-crossbones hat go unused.
'The Artist' Star Jean Dujardin's Villain Auditions
If nothing else, this is more than worthwhile for Dujardin's Tron audition and the surprisingly vivid mental image he provides of Tom Hanks slowly succumbing to a watery grave. Maybe Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close 2 should be on the water, like Speed 2.
You're Going To See This Face in a Movie Again
Haley Joel Osment--the now-grown child actor whose unexpected appearance in Sassy Pants made us all take pause to consider, oh, wow, that's Sixth Sense now, huh?--is not going to let the internet's bewilderment over his age progression stop him from mounting a comeback. In a move that is surely the first step in returning himself to those halcyon days of Secondhand Lions, he's just signed to star in I'll Follow You Down, a sci-fi mystery from Amal writer-director Richie Mehta. The unnervingly doughy thespian will play the son of scientist who went missing several years prior, prompting Osment's character to investigate and eventually make some "eerie" discoveries--eerie discoveries that will hopefully in no way involve ghosts, because if so, man, this guy is going the wrong way towards deterring passersby from asking him if he happens to catch anything unusual in his field of vision.
Movie Monster Size Chart That I'll Assume Is Accurate
This will be helpful in the event of monster attack or class photo.
Naomi Watts Will Play Elton John's Candle in the Wind (1997)
TOO SOON, The Invasion director Oliver Hirschbiegel will be making a film about the late life of Princess Diana, and Ecosse Films today announced who will star as the lead: Naomi Watts. The biopic is called Caught in Flight, and it focuses on the last two years of Diana's life, when this synopsis claims she had at last found true happiness for the first time. You could just tell by the tabloids saying she had found true happiness for the first time, you know? On the casting, Watts gave the following extremely-prepared statement:
'Wet Hot American Summer' Sequel "100%" Happening, But You Know How That Is
Nag the cast of a commercially-failed but cult-adored ensemble comedy about a follow-up movie, eventually they'll give in to saying it's happening, the bastards. Such is the bizarre precedent set by Arrested Development and Party Down, and now Wet Hot American Summer, too, has been set up to either make us rejoice or break our hearts with a franchise continuation that either will or won't eventually happen. But Michael Showalter says it will!
Arnold and Sly's 'Expendables 2' Follow-Up Looks Intense
Just a day after confirmation that aging action heroes Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone will share the screen again for The Tomb, today we have the teaser poster for the film, as tweeted by Arnold himself. Schwarzenegger's head is pretty obviously over-photoshopped, but overall, the images does pretty good job getting its point across--and I love that the lack of title or tagline keeps the viewer focused on the image, letting the eye slowly discover just how many tubes have been violently jammed into Stallone. I can't wait for 2013!
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