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Harry Potter has reduced me to blogging. - LiveJournal.com
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c'est la vie
I've read the book, and am ready to cop to the obvious: I was wrong about many, many things. I wanted to make sure I came here to admit that straightaway. Many things. Very wrong.
I did get a few not-entirely-obvious things right, but we'll set those aside for now. And there's a number of guesses just hovering around King's Cross, having been neither proven nor disproven. I'll assume they're wrong, I suppose. Because that is all I am here to do today-- to be wrong and let everyone who told me (kindly or otherwise) that I was probably wrong enjoy their rightness.
I'm going to hold off on talking about the actual book for a little while, and just enjoy swimming around the sea in my new wax-and-feathers ensemble. All things considered, it's not the worst way to spend a summer vacation.
End at the Beginning
This is a spoiler-free entry! This post contains no spoilers (just crackpot theories). I'm also screening all comments on this entry until July 21, so it's safe to click through and follow the LJ cut. (Read comments on entries without this label at your own risk.) Comments are welcome, but won't be read or show up on the blog until sometime after I've finished the book.
Well, here we are.
You know that saying about how an infinite number of monkeys at an infinite number of typewriters would eventually reproduce the complete works of William Shakespeare? As I've mentioned before, I think this fandom may be the closest the world has seen to a real-life version of that experiment.
Of course, it takes a lot of monkeys to make it infinite. And while some monkey somewhere is typing up Hamlet, the rest of us have to keep banging away at our keyboards hoping we can at least come up with the script of a sitcom or soda commercial. (And then there's the monkeys that go and open up the big box marked "DO NOT TOUCH," take out a copy of Much Ado About Nothing, and hit other monkeys over the head with it. But let's not talk about those monkeys.)
With that in mind, I present to you the rough draft of a My Two Dads episode one last theory before Deathly Hallows. I know this has to be the one I end on, because this is where other theories go to die. It's made up of scraps of clues, possible clues, imagined clues, and a glimmer of hope that we won't be seeing the other side of the Veil (no matter how many readers want to see it). It will be poorly explained because I'm rushing and tired, I've already lost a more detailed version to this grumpy computer tonight, and the thing's full of plotholes in the first place. But I will post it anyway, thus fulfilling my monkey role to the last.
A Ministry Conspiracy (not particularly involving gum disease): I think there may have been some crazy stuff happening and a lot of paths crossing at the Ministry of Magic just after the attack at Godric's Hollow.
Dumbledore sent Hagrid to the Department of Mysteries to get a Time Turner and skip ahead a few hours with Harry, keeping the baby safe until proper arrangements could be made. Dumbledore used the watch that reminds me of the spinny room in the DoM to monitor Hagrid's process.
The Ministry people on the scene at Godric's Hollow actually found Voldemort's body and took it back to the Department of Mysteries to study it. But then somebody or a small group of somebodies decided that was a bad idea, and secretly chucked the body through the Veil. Barty Crouch, Sr. never let the public know anything because he was determined to become Minister of Magic at any cost, and saying they never found the body was better than saying they'd lost the body.
Fudge found out about the disappearing body trick at some point, and this contributed to his reluctance to believe that Voldemort was back. (In Book 3, Fudge thought Voldemort was lurking out there. In Book 4, he freaked out when Dumbledore said that "Voldemort has been restored to his body." I mean, what the heck?)
Information from Rookwood and/or something Barty Crouch, Jr. overheard his father telling Winky about the whole missing body mess (did Ludo Bagman see something?) combined to give Bellatrix and company the idea that the Longbottoms knew something about what had happened to the Dark Lord.
Voldemort (well, his corpse) had Gryffindor's sword on him when he was thrown through the Veil. (That's how the final "Hallow" became "Deathly.") The Sorting Hat's connection to dead Godric Gryffindor had something to do with Harry getting the sword back on this side of the Veil. Sirius' two-way mirror may serve a similar purpose.
Peter turned up at the Ministry after faking his own death, retrieved Voldemort's wand somehow, and stowed away on Sirius' confiscated motorbike when Mr. Weasley took it home to his garage. The bike later inspired and/or became parts for the flying Ford Anglia. Percy "found" Wormtail and named him Scabbers.
And... I think that's all there is to it.
Yeah, I know-- Harry Potter finally broke my little monkey brain. I'm going to sleep now.
This will be my last post before reading Deathly Hallows. See you on the other side.
The Noble and Most Ancient House of Gaunt
This is a spoiler-free entry! This post contains no spoilers (just crackpot theories). I'm also screening all comments on this entry until July 21, so it's safe to click through and follow the LJ cut. (Read comments on entries without this label at your own risk.) Comments are welcome, but won't be read or show up on the blog until sometime after I've finished the book.
Expanded thoughts on how/why the Gaunts and Blacks could be related, probably via the Peverells.
- The Peverells have to count for something. At least, it seems like they should if JKR bothered to name them.
- The rings seen in OotP and HBP seem to suggest, at minimum, that the Gaunts and Blacks were at one time part of a similar class or group of families. And if they were both pureblood with similar attitudes about staying pureblood (likely, given what we saw of Walburga and Marvolo), what are the odds they didn't intermarry?
- The Black Family Tree doesn't go back nearly far enough to make this unlikely. Here's an example of one way the Peverells, Blacks, and Gaunts could be related (look at the magenta section, and remember you can zoom in on .swf files). There's lots of ways you could work it, and it's fairly easy to set it up so that only the Gaunts are descendants of Slytherin. You can even add extra drama by doing things like having a widow Peverell with children remarry a Black and have children with him. Even though the Black children are younger, they'd still get the inheritance because of their last name. Peverell angst!
- Merope's name is a star name. It works for the "married a mortal" story, of course, but it's also a star. (In some versions of the story that I am too spoiler-phobic to find a link to right now, Merope is the star you can't see.) Her name could've come from an ancestor. The Blacks reuse the same star names over and over.
- Number 12 Grimmauld Place has a decorative snake on the door. Morfin nailed a snake to the door of the Gaunt's house. Okay, Morfin's crazy. But still, the snake on the Gaunt's door was mentioned repeatedly in that scene. It even had a poem. And it makes the Gaunts' shack a sad parody of the House of Black. (So does the chapter title, by the way.)
- It would mean there was all the more reason Regulus Black was able to discover Voldemort's secret. The secret being, as it turns out, that the Dark Lord was actually a lowly half-blood.
- It might relate to Orion's death in the same year as Regulus'. Hepzibah Smith told Tom M. Riddle the story of how Burke bought the locket off of Merope for a pittance when she was pregnant and alone in London. The readers already knew about that, so I've wondered if that's a setup for us to discover that Voldemort later killed Burke as some kind of revenge. (My guess is that Burke's dead because of the way Dumbledore phrased his sentence about Burke's generosity. But I don't think that's a canon fact.) This is a total shot in the dark, but what if Merope was in London with no family to go home to and decided to stop by her relatives' house? Poor, squib-ish, and pregnant with a Muggle's baby, the Blacks would certainly have turned her away. If Voldemort was later murdering people who messed with his mom, he could've gone after the Blacks as well. Yes, I know Orion wasn't old enough to have been the one to send Merope away. No, I don't have a clear-cut reason why Voldemort would've targeted him. Like I said, shot in the dark. But if it's something close to the truth, it would've given Regulus an even stronger incentive to turn on Voldemort.
There you have it, a big mess of pseudo-clues. You can tell I'm getting down to the dregs, here. Only one more theory left that I'd like to try to post and it's kind of a doozy. I hope I have time.
Oh, and here's my version of the Black Family Tree without the made-up junk on it. I've got a nice, printable copy, too. I meant to post that one before we went into spoiler lockdown, but never got around to it. I'll put it up sometime after the book release (possibly with edits, if we learn a certain someone's middle name, etc.). I expect it might be useful for fanfic writers or something.
48 hours from now, we will be in line at the bookstore.
Spoiler Policy Reminder: No Deathly Hallows spoilers will be posted in my blog entries until after the book comes out. After 12:01 AM on July 21st, you shouldn't read my posts unless you've finished the book. Comments are welcome, but won't be read or replied to until after I finish the book. Read other people's comments to this or any other entry at your own risk. [Sorry if I'm going overboard with the spoiler warnings, but it's a bit of a minefield out there right now.]
5 reasons (out of billions!) my sister is Awesome to the Maxx: - She told me that Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone was kind of good, actually. That was back when I was all, "Kid on a broom with a cape? Riiiiight."
- Instead of being (as anyone would have a right to be) annoyed that I'm an adult who has regularly expressed and re-expressed my concerns regarding the fate of a fictional owl, she drew a picture of a snowy owl and gave it to me.
- A long, strange discussion with her was the reason that I asked a question that has probably never been asked before in the history of humanity: "What kind of cheese is like Hagrid?" (We never did figure out the answer, though.)
- She came up with the best horrible Wizard Rock band name ever: "Madam and the Hoochies."
- She is going to stand on line with me at our local bookstore, even though the odds of my not embarrassing her are slim to none.
She also bet me a dollar that Eileen Prince, Irma Pince, Emmeline Vance, and Verity won't all turn out to be the same person. But that's not so much a reason she's awesome as a reason I will almost certainly owe her a dollar.
Death by a thousand cuts
Spoiler Policy Reminder: No Deathly Hallows spoilers will be posted in my blog entries until after the book comes out. After 12:01 AM on July 21st, you shouldn't read my posts unless you've finished the book. Comments are welcome, but won't be read or replied to until after I finish the book. Read other people's comments to this or any other entry at your own risk. I saw the Order of the Phoenix movie last night. (Hey, I didn't see Sorcerer's Stone until Chamber of Secrets came out, so seeing this within a week of release was pretty good for me.) I think people who don't read the books have a better chance at following this one than they did Goblet of Fire. I did feel a bit like some of the book details were so oddly tacked on that it seemed like someone was crossing things off a checklist. I know this is near blasphemy, but as long as they're already changing so much for the movies they might be better off not using that checklist. It seems like it must leave book fans wishing those details had been done better or more thoroughly and movie fans wondering why all those weird stray lines and shots weren't left on the cutting room floor. But hey, I'm also one of those rare book fans who doesn't want Cuarn & Co. to suffer some painful illness as punishment for not making the Marauders' story explicit in the Prisoner of Azkaban movie.
Of course, the best solution would be if we had someone incorporate the book elements seamlessly into a well-paced movie script... But I'm not holding my breath.
I think my favorite part of the movie might have been the picture of a cat on a plate that had a smaller cat on a plate in the background.
Crazy like a Fawkes
Spoiler Policy Reminder: No Deathly Hallows spoilers will be posted in my blog entries until after the book comes out. After 12:01 AM on July 21st, you shouldn't read my posts unless you've finished the book. Comments are welcome, but won't be read or replied to until after I finish the book. Read other people's comments to this or any other entry at your own risk. Three crazy theories that I haven't quite been able to shake. I could provide some evidence for them, but who honestly cares at this point?
One: Dumbledore can turn invisible without a cloak because he is an Animagus Tebo. (Look it up in Fantastic Beasts.) Yes, I know a Demiguise would probably make more sense. And I know JKR once made a comment about having a warthog as an Animagus that would be pretty darn bold if this theory were true. But I find it entertaining, so this is my vote. (Plus, warthog... Hogwarts... You know how I am about the wordplay.)
Two: Peter Pettigrew's silver hand wasn't exactly a "reward." Voldemort spent the whole year feeling like Peter was only serving him because he had nowhere else to go, and nervous that Peter would abandon him in his weak state. (Like Merope. You know how I am about Voldemort's abandonment issues.) So that hand was kind of a gift-- it is powerful-- but was also kind of a punishment. I think the hand might keep Peter from turning into a rat and escaping properly. Either because he can't blend in with the other rats due to the shiny silver paw and/or tracking device, or because the silver hand can't transform. Yes, the silver hand not transforming theory is a special kind of insane, but I just keep imagining a rat with a human-sized metallic hand and I think it's funny every time.
Three: Not only is Eileen Prince secretly a Metamorphmagus hiding out as Madame Pince, she also used to be Emmeline Vance until that identity's death was faked. (Last name ending in "-nce" power!) She might also be Verity, the girl who was working in Fred and George's shop last summer. (You know how I am about girls with names that mean "truth." Wait-- you don't. Well, this is pretty much how I am about that.) Oh, and Dumbledore had James' cloak because it was being used in an escape plan for Eileen and/or Tobias Snape.
Everybody who's reading spoilers is just pointing at me and laughing, aren't they? Hey, I said they were crazy theories. (And there's more to come.)
Accidental Horcrux?
Spoiler Policy Reminder: No Deathly Hallows spoilers will be posted in my blog entries until after the book comes out. After 12:01 AM on July 21st, you shouldn't read my posts unless you've finished the book. Comments are welcome, but won't be read or replied to until after I finish the book. Read other people's comments to this or any other entry at your own risk. Okay, that's a riddikulusly huge spoiler warning for a tiny, silly post. But it happens to be thematically appropriate for this entry, so I'm leaving it in place.
Because I cannot stand to be without paper in my purse and my current notebook is getting full, I recently picked up a blank journal. I flipped to the back, and found this message from the manufacturer:
While we strive for utmost precision in every detail, we cannot be held responsible for any inaccuracies, neither for any subsequent loss or damage arising. Disclaimers gone mad? I found myself wondering what inaccuracies could possibly appear in a blank book. Then I found myself wondering what loss or damage could result from a blank journal. And then I remembered Chamber of Secrets.
Now I'm scared to write my name in it.
Soon There Will Be Seven
This is a photo of an open Deathly Hallows box, and that's my cue to crawl up into my cocoon and wait for Friday. I wasn't sure exactly when I was going to become a Potter shut-in, but last night I suddenly had the "now or never" feeling. (So please forgive me if I was involved in any type of conversation with you elsewhere, but I probably won't be getting back to you for a while. Or possibly ever, if we were debating an issue that Book 7 turns into a non-issue.)
I'll continue to post here for the next few days, but I'll be doing it without looking at comments, etc. (Continue to comment if you'd like. I'll be sure to read them all later!) From now until about a week from now-- I'm going on a short vacation immediately after reading the book-- I'm on a severely reduced HP diet.
Spoiler policy for this blog: I won't be posting any spoilers until after I've read Deathly Hallows. I'll probably use LJ cuts to hide big spoilers for a while, but I'm sure most of my posts after I've read the book will involve spoilers so there's very little point in spoiler-phobes even coming back here anytime after 12:01 AM on July 21st unless they've finished the book. Oh, and I make no promises about spoilers in the comments as of right now, because even I won't be reading those for a while. Read comments at your own risk.
Now We Are Six
Two years ago today, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was released.
To mark the occasion, here is a silly bonus thing for anyone who is in the mood for silly bonus things.
Yes, I made up a Harry Potter song and occasionally sing it when I'm alone in the car.
I'm a commuter.
Stop looking at me like that.
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Tell Me Sir, Have You Confused Your Weasleys Recently?
[Sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle, but out of order. First and last verses are to the tune of the "Yankee Doodle, keep it up" part; middle verses are to the "stuck a feather in his hat" part.]
Don't be discouraged, don't give up If you confuse your Weasleys. Just memorize this little tune, And you'll remember easilys.
Bill, he is the eldest and It's Fleur he's going to marry. Got bitten by a werewolf, but Turns out he won't turn hairy.
Charlie works in Romania With Ridgebacks, Horntails, and such. But that's really all you need to know, 'Cause he's not in the story much.
Next in line is Percy, though Barely a Weasley anymore. Power mad or otherwise, [spoken, sternly] You don't insult Dumbledore.
Fred and George are twins, and so They'll have to share a verse. Pranksters both, made Filch's life Go from Squib to worse.
Then there's Ron, who some say's got A date with the Grim Reaper, But a girl who's read a book or two Can tell this one's a Keeper.
Youngest Ginny was the one to sooth The monster in Harry's chest, But they broke up, 'cause he's afraid That she'll be repossessed.
So...
Don't be discouraged, don't give up If you confuse your Weasleys. Just memorize this little tune, And you'll remember easilys.
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Also fun: Sing this song, but change "Mahna Mahna" to McGonagall, and the other mumbly bits to various teachers' names.
Double Scoop
The Ice Cream Man Cometh is now available on Mugglenet as well. Slight "oops" on my part for getting that posted to a website and LJ community. This whole time I've been going with just one or the other for each proper essay, because I'd rather share ideas than beat people over the head with them. If you're active all over the online fandom, how many times do you want to see the exact same theory? Naturally, the very last essay would be the one to get away from me. Oh well. Not much harm done since we're within a week of the release anyway, and it's always nice to be posted. (Thanks, Mugglenet editorial staff!)
There's no COS discussion thread for the editorial yet, since those forums are closed until a few days after the Deathly Hallows release. If a discussion thread ever gets created ('cause everyone's first impulse after reading DH will surely be to discuss outdated guesses), I'll add a link to it on the original Ice Cream Man journal entry.
Speaking of the imminent book release: I just did a tally, and I think I'm about 5 posts away from making my Pensieve LJ as complete as it's going to get. Maybe it's finally time to drink that Felix Felicis...
Snape.
An even rougher, faster version of my Snape thoughts than I was trying to do last time.
So... Where I'm at right now, I think Snape is working for the good side. But that's kinda obvious from my previous posts, and seems to be the majority opinion in the online fandom.
The way I differ from the majority opinion within the majority is that I don't think Good!Snape means that Dumbledore planned his own death. JKR didn't shut down the idea that Dumbledore's death was planned during her post-HBP interview with Mugglenet and TLC, but it seemed like she was doing it for "that's not quite right but maybe you could get somewhere with that" reasons. (My opinion; yours may vary if you've read the interview.) Why would Good!Snape make that Unbreakable Vow if there wasn't a Crazy Master Plan of Death? One reason could be that he realized his life and/or usefulness were as good as forfeit. If he refused to kill Dumbledore when the Dark Lord asked him, he'd either be murdered or have to go deep into hiding. Dead, he'd be of no use to the Order. In hiding? Maybe he could've been useful, but remember how he belittled Sirius while he was hidden. If Snape really believes half of the stuff he said then, it wouldn't be surprising if staying hidden was about as bad an option as being dead to him. (I'm not saying it's what I think-- just what Snape might've.) Forced into a snap decision, Snape made a poor one. There was a very good chance he'd signed his own death warrant, because he wasn't planning on killing Dumbledore.
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