Is Your Girl Mean To You?
Ashley here!
Is your ex acting kind of mean to you?
Here’s a recent email I received from Sean:
“I am trying no contact but my wife who lives with another man since she left a month and a half ago calls me all the time. She blocks her # and I have told her I wont answer anymore blocked calls but she still calls 3 and 4 times in a row. Then leaves me a rude or nasty email. When I have answered she usually wants me to do for her. I don’t do anything for her. How should I handle this? I want to talk to her and I have sent the seed letter but she told me she wont see me because she wont do that to the Guy she’s seeing. And she doesn’t want him to see his wife. I answered yesterday, we have two daughters going out of town, after she left me a really rude message just to hear her threaten me for ten minutes and then tell me what dating site I should sign up for. I am very confused because she has called me everyday. I know she getting mad I wont answer blocked calls. What should I do about this?”
- Sean S
Anytime you have an ex who is seeing someone else but continues to call YOU tells me they are not serious about that other relationship (rebound anyone?).
On the flip side though, if your ex continues to call you to be rude to you or tell you to do stuff, then this may be rather confusing for you.
For a man, if a woman is screaming abuse at you, the most obvious thing is for you to block her out. Which is what you have done. But overtime this will only upset her even more and cause her to leave even more nasty messages.
Anytime a woman is being angry at you, you must look past the “surface” and into what is REALLY going on. An angry woman is actually a HURT woman. She is hurt because love have been taken away from her. The more you withdraw your love, the more she is going to hurt, and the more angry she will get.
First
Stop blocking her calls. If you want things to get better, you can’t be reactive, you must be proactive. Be strong and face her. If you can’t face her because you’re emotionally frail, send her an email about how you feel and let her know if you don’t answer that’s because you’re hurt and you need time to be strong again. Reassure her not to worry and you will be back.
Second…
Ask her what is REALLY wrong?
Keep asking her until the truth comes out. Sometimes this takes a few tries, but it doesn’t matter. Stay with her until you get it out of her, because there is a real deep hurt inside a woman when she is really angry.
Third
Commit to loving her fully for at least 60 days. Anytime you have a woman hurt, the best way to counter it is to love her and show her what happiness is again. This is easier said than done, especially if she is with another man.
I personally think she is using this other man as an excuse to prevent getting close to you because she is worried you’ll hurt her again. But clearly she is already hurting.
It’s time to get real with her. Stop cowering from her. Get clear what she is hurt about. Start understanding her like you have never done before. Communicate with her!
You need to say all the things you’re thinking and feeling to her, and to stop running. She wants you to stay and fight for this relationship, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t be calling every single day!
But if she is purely taking advantage of you and only wants you for what you can do for her, either she has always been a narcissist or you’re not digging deep enough.
If you were married than I suspect she wasn’t always this way. At one point in your relationship, she loved you with all her heart and she gave everything to you and then you broke it. That’s why she is hurt and angry right now.
Talk to her, get back to what is important, what made the two of you fall in love and stop running!
Be strong!
Ashley
P.S.
Do you know the cause of your break up?
I asked this question on Facebook, if you have a spare few minutes, let me know what you think caused your break up?
http://www.facebook.com/AshleyK.Advice
What Do You Regret?
Ashley here!
Have you ever regretted saying to your ex?
Here’s a recent email I got from Amy:
Hi Ashley, I don’t know if you got my last email but Ive told my ex I’m moving on (when I’m not) to try and make him want me back and so far it’s been 6 days and he hasn’t contacted me. I’m waiting until the 29th march then I’ll send him the letter which your websites have helped to to prepare.
I don’t know how to get him to want me back because he’s acting like he doesn’t care anymore, please help me x
Amy R
It’s almost never a good idea to tell your ex one thing, when you really want the complete opposite to happen. You will almost always come out LOSING something.
Here’s a typical scenario:
Jane is upset with John because he has been pulling love away from her. So she gets angry and let a few “threatening” words leek out like:
- We should just break up.
- I don’t want to be with you.
- I’d be happier without you.
- Maybe you should find someone else.
When REALLY what she wants is for him to love her and no one else. Does this sound familiar?
Women, do NOT do this!
This will not have the desired effect you’re after.
Actually what John will be thinking is:
- She doesn’t love me because she wants to end it right here.
- She doesn’t care or else she wouldn’t be saying these things.
- She is unhappy, therefore I’ve failed as a man.
And instead of wanting to try harder, he will instead withdraw more because he feels she doesn’t care about him.
So Amy, if you want your man back, first of all, make sure what you say, do and want are congruent!
Nothing is more frustrating than someone whose actions don’t line up with their words!
This isn’t about being desperate, needy and begging your ex back, it’s about being true to your real feelings and wants, and just delivering those messages in a mature and calm manner.
If you love him, tell him you love him and you want things to be worked out between the two of you. But of course, he will ALSO need to do some work too! You can’t love enough for the both of you.
I would send an apology letter to tell your true feelings. And then don’t expect a response back. He needs time to sort things out on his own.
Men need to go “hide” and recoup when their ego and self-esteem is low. Give him the space to be more confident and strong again and when HE is ready, he will make contact.
Good luck!
Be Strong.
Ashley
P.S.
Do you know the cause of your break up?
I asked this question on Facebook, if you have a spare few minutes, let me know what you think caused your break up?
http://www.facebook.com/AshleyK.Advice
How to Make Your Ex Girlfriend Want You Back When Shes With Another Guy
Ashley here,
I recently got this question on my Facebook wall:
Pi Thar asks:
“How can I make my ex girlfriend want to return to me after she has moved on with another guy??????”
Great question Pi!
And sadly, it’s much TOO common nowadays.
Look, the truth is most women will ONLY comfortably leave a man when she has another guy “waiting” on the sidelines.
Unless your woman is super independent and confident, the truth is most women just don’t like to be alone.
Now, that may sound like bad news for you, but let’s look at things from HER point of view…
1. If she left you, then that tells me that she wasn’t getting her most important needs met.
2. Most women have orbiters (male friends who hang around them) who will happily take over the role of comforting her and giving her what she wants.
If she has jumped ship – from you to new guy rather quickly – then often it’s because this new guy simply came along at the right time…
It doesn’t mean her feelings for him will LAST.
Actually, most rebounds are short-lived for a reason. The main purpose of a rebound boyfriend is often to comfort a woman while she goes through a very difficult transition in her life.
While you are someone who constantly argues with her or makes her unhappy, this new guy is the exact opposite of that.
HE understands her…
HE listens to her…
HE gives her the attention and affection she needs…
It’s like she got herself a new blanket to comfort herself with at night because the old one were full of holes, had a funky smell and resembled a dead animal on the side of the road…
Ok that may be a tad exaggerated…
Anyway, my point is, this new guy is her way of COPING with her emotional needs and unhappiness.
Now, the GOOD news…
You had her heart once,
She loved YOU and YOU only,
She was loyal to only YOU at one point in her life.
And women’s emotional memories are SHARP as a whistle.
We remember EVERYTHING.. especially when there are emotions attached to the memory.
The good news is, you don’t need to RECREATE completely new emotions and new connections between you and her.
It is ALREADY there in her memory.
Your job is simply to TAP into it and UNLEASH it back to the present…
You know how women get teary eyed and all emotional after watching romantic movies, and guys are often dragged to see these movies and end up sitting there bored?
It’s because women put THEMSELVES into the characters of the movie.
We imagine what it would feel like to BE the girl who gets the guy, or to BE the girl who gets her heart broken, or BE the girl who gets romanced and swept away by that charming guy on the screen.
We see these images and we really feel it in our hearts, it could be us.
Guys often complain that women SAY this is what we want, but when it is actually presented to us by a real guy, we aren’t exactly falling all over him.
Welllll….
Remember, CONTEXT and the LEAD UP to a great romantic gesture is just as important as the romantic gesture itself.
For women, it’s all about playing a part in a story and going on an adventure.
Trust me, these are the things that TURN US ON.
Okay, so how can you use this to STEAL her back from this new “rebound” guy who has temporarily stolen her attention away from you?
Do you REALLY want to know…
Are you sure?
…
Okay I’ll stop teasing.. 
**********************************
… You Tell Her a New Story About You
**********************************
Did I mention that women love story, drama and adventure? Well there, I’ve said it again. We LOVE that stuff.
So, imagine you’re playing part in a movie. Looking at your life now… are you the lead character or are you a secondary character?
In other words, do you feel like you’re in charge or that someone or something else is in charge of you?
And is this life looking exciting? .. Or a bit dull?
Get clear on what you’re striving towards and what your greater goals are.
Women want to see a man with ambitions and a vision for the future. They want to know that if they choose this man, this man is capable of figuring out problems and also can look after her.
The first thing you do is:
* Be cool and confident around her
* Be completely okay that she is seeing someone else
* Show off your achievements/your vision
* Direct her instead of allow her to direct you
You get her to seek YOU for attention, approval, ideas, support etc
…by demonstrating that you are someone who is outside the “problem”.
You’re the guy who makes her laugh, who is passionate and excited about the future, who cares about the people around him, who knows what he wants and what his boundaries are, the guy other women want to date and be with… you’re a “catch”.
You’re not going to act like a supportive boyfriend who listens to all her problems… especially when she has the rebound guy for that (good for him?)
No, you’re the guy who offers something exciting, fun and SEXY in her mundane, dull and problem-ridden life!
And who knows her better than you?!
So, these are FORBIDDEN:
* Begging
* Crying
* Getting emotional
* Losing your temper
(If you do these now, start and STAY in No Contact until you ARE the person I mentioned above)
And these are also forbidden:
* Doing everything she asks you to do like a love sick puppy dog
* Answering her calls at all hours of the day and night
* Sending her love letters or love texts
* Supporting her when she has a guy who is ALSO supporting her … Come on, why are you doing this to yourself?!
And please, don’t wait for her to make up her mind about who she wants to be with, make it FOR her!
You might want to read that last point again…
Do NOT act like her emotionally supportive boyfriend when she is with ANOTHER GUY!
And if she can’t decide who to be with, don’t even WAIT for her to make up her mind, MAKE IT FOR HER!
Remember, direct her don’t allow her to direct you.
Okay, so what are you waiting for?
Start doing something RIGHT NOW.
Whether it’s writing down your goals…
Hitting the gym…
Deleting that love letter you’ve been wanting to send…
Whatever it is, start doing it!
Okay, I’ll be back with more…
Best wishes!
Ashley
P.S.
Want to ask a question like Pi?
Just “LIKE” my Facebook page and post your question on here : http://www.facebook.com/ashleyk.advice
