Description:
Farplane Memories
Contents:
Trying
Even though I know that you might, or most probably would, not appear, but I still wanted to go and wait, to try. I don't know why.
Even if it's only 1%, I still want to give it a shot.
Frankly, I, myself, don't know why I'm still so insistent. I thought the transition would take place smoothly, but it seems like your images are still as vivid as ever in my mind.
I'm sorry, I really am.
Confessions
I've been told to forget about you.
I've been told that it's pointless to continue because nothing would change.
But you know what?
They're right, nothing has changed, both of our stances.
I'm so silly that I thought I might bump into you if I walk around town, especially watching Eclipse. Thinking whether you would be watching in the same theater, the same time slot, the same day. And if I bumped into you, what I would do.
Thought I saw you a few days ago, but it was just my mind playing tricks on me.
It this necessary? The "hide"? The ignore? Is this your only way of telling me to give up?
I don't know if it's like, or it's love.
When you frown, I want to know why.
When you smile, I want to know why as well.
Your every little actions trigger my thinking, my emotions.
I had a short dream, about bumping into you. It should be a happy one, but it wasn't. Beside you was another man, grabbing your hand was his. The sore was like a sting; instant, short, and leaves a swell. I don't want to see you with anyone else, I want me to be the only one beside you.
My friend told me our future is molded by us. If so, then please, tell me how I can mold myself into yours.
I miss you... but you know none of it.
Congrats
Congratulations on your admission. Looks like I won't be able enjoy anymore Cheryl days. But I'm happy, for you.
IMY
Yes. I really mean it. I really do.
I admit I don't have the guts to go sort out everything with you, at least not now. Till now, all I could do is to peek at you behind a pillar, thinking of approaching you, then holding back the urge to, all because I care about your reaction more than my disappointment.
You changed your number, that's a fact.
You ignore my messages left on your wall, while replying others, that's a fact.
You are avoiding me, feigning ignorance of my existence, that's a fact.
I'm trying to find all sorts of reasons for you, I failed.
I don't know how to face you; I don't know what to do with your shocked expression when you see me, I don't know how to get the answers I'm looking for without hurting you, I don't know if this is what "love" is suppose to be.
When you are ready for a relationship, would you consider me as a candidate? Would you give me the chance to redo everything and woo you the way I should?
Coincidental & Intentional
30th March. I decided to look for her at Tampines.
Walked around Tampines, then decided it was about time to face it.
Little did I expect to see her on the bus.
She was pale, tired looking. Even the white jacket she wore seem brighter than her cheeks were.
It really bothers me.
All I could do was stand and stone, watch her sitting uncomfortably in the bus, watch her alight and pass through the gate.
All that I could do.
...
REPLY LEH!
ANSWER LEH!
WHAT AM I?!
WHAT AM I TO YOU?!
stop torturing me... please...
A Countdown I Rather Not
56 more days to anniversary; the last day I saw you...
Muses favour me no more.
I don't feel the vibe.
Without you, I feel like nothing.
Stop ignoring me please.
When Christmas isn't that merry
These past few days hasn't been that smooth. Or perhaps past many months.
Still no handphone number.
Still no replies on her wall.
It's pretty tiring actually.
It's almost been a year already; visions getting blurred, voices fading off and that trust in her falling fast. There's nothing for me to hold on to, nothing for me to look forward to. Every festival now just seems so redundant and meaningless, when without the one you wish to enjoy with.
Then came the "douchebag" who deleted her account. The shock I received discovering the sudden break of "relationship" in Facebook, literally. You couldn't possibly imagine that feeling of waiting for her to re-accept the "friend's confirmation". I'm think that positively as she still considers me a "friend", though more towards the meaning of "acquaintance".
I have this urge to do that again, but I don't know whether the consequences would be the same or different, better or worst.
I'm scared. Really scared.
At the moment...
...her voice fading, silhouette disappearing, scent dissipating.
Chasing the hand of a shadow
My 2nd time already, once in secondary school and now in polytechnic.
It doesn't really help just by telling yourself to think positive, to lessen the expectations; expectations are natural to me, when it comes to such stuffs.
I might perhaps be able to forget this feeling soon, since a month later I'll be having lesser time thinking about such stuffs and constantly guessing my current status. The feeling might just fade off together with time, maybe.
Frankly speaking, I'm quite tired. Tired of guessing, of chasing, of thinking, of looking at pictures only. But somehow, I can't stop myself from it, perhaps my stubbornness or perhaps... something else.
They say once bitten, twice shy. Perhaps I'll never get bitten again.
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