Planning a family get together
I was asked recently HELP. My mother is planning a family get together for her birthday. We all get on individually but when we are together, by the end of the night there are generally fallouts and I am anticipating another disaster. Mum will be offended if I dont go. Can you help me manage this situation so that she is not offended and I can perhaps feel less tense about going?
Sound familiar? Yes. Weve all been to them and unfortunately many of us will tend to recall the bad memories as opposed to the positive ones.
I have put down some thoughts about how you could make this less tedious for yourself.
1. You could try making the get together brief. Perhaps reminding others in the family that when you are all together over a prolonged period of time, things regularly deteriorate. They may share your views but be afraid to stand up and say so. You may be able to agree to set a time limit conducive to more good memories and less bad. If they dont agree on this occasion, they are still more likely to remember what you have said and based on the next experience be willing to modify things.
2. Remember, that you can still opt to do what you choose without the support of the rest of your family.
3. If the children tend to be hyper, there are a number of things you can do.
4. Suggest you have the meal soon after arrival so that the children dont eat too many sugary snacks or get involved in running around LOUDLY.
5. Could you have the party outside? Less mess
6. Organise things to do such as games.
7. Reduce the availability of alcohol.
8. If things look like getting fraught, consider injecting some humour into the situation.
9. Could you go to a venue outside so that you need not be concerned about cooking clearing up etc? Also less likely to have rows in a social setting.
10. Perhaps if each of you brought a different course, some pressure would be taken from mum.
11. Would it be possible to book in to a hotel for the meal? Maybe smaller tables would mean less chaos and there would be more choice about who to sit with. Everyone would also be more aware of a time constraint. If you dont have to spend too lengthy a time together, everyone is more likely to make an effort to get on with each other.
12. Think ahead and be prepared to use some coping strategies.
Would it be possible to take a friend with you? Someone seen as not family may mean that others are less likely to misbehave. If you find particular people put you down then having an ally can be comforting.
13. Visualise yourself coping in the situation.
14. Use breathing exercises to stay calm.
15. Wear comfortable clothes that you feel confident in.
16. Endeavour to ignore the trivialities.
17. Sometimes it can pay to just shut out what is being said.
18. Do not go to these events expecting everything to go well. Accept that there will be some difficulties
19. Mentally prepare yourself beforehand by making sure you give yourself some . Me time.
20. Do something which makes you feel good .Go for a massage, a walk or listen to some music
21. If you go to the get together reward yourself afterwards for going.
22. HOLD ON TO GOOD MEMORIES
GOOD LUCK!
Here are some resources:
This article was submitted by Mary Lennox an experienced counsellor and intuitive life coach. The combination of her education, career background and life experiences enable her to have an empathic understanding across abroad spectrum of circumstances. Visit her website www.lifecoachinggym.com for more free articles or to subscribe to her free bi monthly newsletter “WORKOUT.”
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They’re lying in wait for you at the ATM machine and on your computer keyboard at work. Secretly, they attach themselves to your hands when you push a shopping cart at the store. The little pests will even attach themselves to your children’s hands when they romp on playground equipment.
They’re germs, and they’re lurking in more places than most people think, just waiting to be touched so they can hitch a ride on people’s hands.
“Most people think they have a good idea of where germs are, but I think they would be surprised to learn of the places or things where they can pick up germs that may make them sick,” said Dr. Charles Gerba, Environmental Microbiology professor at the University of Arizona.
Where the Germs Lurk
According to Dr. Gerba, many people know there are germs in bathrooms, but may not realize that the computer keyboard at work or the sponge in the kitchen can be even filthier than a toilet seat. From the workplace, the home and school to cars, trains and planes, germs are everywhere. Even during activities such as exercising, playing, shopping, going to the movies, attending sports events and commuting, people are coming in contact with germs and may not realize it.
A Simple Solution
Since many germs are spread by hand contact, practicing good hygiene every day is a solution to the problem. When soap and water aren’t available, using an instant hand sanitizer like Purell will do the job. This alcohol-based hand sanitizer kills 99.99% of the most common germs that may cause illness.
A list of “99 Places Where Germs are Likely to Lurk” includes:
At work-elevator buttons, phones, shared ink pens
At the gym-exercise machine handles, mats
When traveling-subway poles and handles, gas pump nozzles
At school-shared toys and books, cafeteria trays, playground equipment
At home-pet toys, light switches, thermostats
When shopping-escalator handrails, shopping basket handles.
Knowing where germs are and practicing good hand hygiene can help keep families healthy.
