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Dandyloo's Days - LiveJournal.com
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Freedom from school is beautiful. All I have to do right now is catch up on LJ and FB, take care of my baby girl, and maybe play a videogame, read, or watch a movie. Sweet.
I haven't checked LJ in forever. There's too much other stuff going on. I used to spend the majority of my time here. Facebook is easier for me because I can just put in a little sentence and move on with things. I suppose I'll continue doing things here on LJ off and on and see how it goes. I don't want to abandon it altogether.
Now it's time to get ready for bed.
The Colonel Stands Down
Colonel William Selma Miller, Jr., has passed away. He died at 5:30 am this morning at Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital. Yesterday was his birthday and his family and friends were there with him all day. When he passed away, his best friend from the military was there at his bedside.
We are all very sad to see him go.
Death in the Family
I've been pretty absent from LJ for a while now, mostly because Facebook has taken over. I have a lot to do what with taking care of my baby and doing school and work from home. I also have been dealing with deaths in the family and I wanted to just update about that now. Here's what I wrote in Facebook today. I'm posting it here so I don't have to write it all again. I love having a journal here, and I think it's important to keep this journal going.
I had a feeling that my Dad's days were numbered when I was at my parents' house for the death/funeral of my grandpa. Grandpa died on March 15th and I was the one who went in and confirmed that he was dead. I had been taking my dad to breakfast on the days that I was there and we had a good time going to his favorite restaurant, Arne's in downtown Solvang. He was very grateful that I was willing and able to do this with him, and when I had to leave after Grandpa's funeral, he was sad. I asked if he would miss me and he said yes. I told him that I love him and he said the same back.
My dad is now in the hospital and the family is on 24 hour watch. His youngest daughter from his first marriage is in town until Sunday to help with the watch. She lives in West Virginia and has been taking care of her mother-in-law. When she got there this week she helped my mom, who has been having a hard time making decisions about anything, by telling Dad's caregivers that he needs to be as comfortable as possible. Apparently, my dad had been saying, "help!" and Anna said that he should not be saying that.
Yesterday, Joel, Willow, and I were at the hospital all day to help with the 24 hour watch over Dad. Joel spent a lot of time by Dad's bedside, along with my uncle Greg. Dad slept the entire day, and in the evening when the nurse's assistant went in to take Dad's blood pressure, Dad woke up and became agitated. He started saying "help!" again. My sister Erica and I tried asking him what he needed. Luckily our family friends Jan and Art were there and we got them to come in the room to help us. Jan used to be a nurse and she helped us give Dad water, since he called for water and I tried to give him a drink from the bottle. Jan used a sponge to help Dad. Jan also got the nurse to come in and give him Haldol for anxiety. Dad seemed freaked out by what was happening and even managed to say, "I feel awful." After the Haldol was given to him he calmed down and at that point it was time to go. We were out of diapers and it was way past Willow's bedtime.
We brought Willow in throughout the day to be with Dad. Dad loves Willow so much and he was unable to focus on even her.
The things that are making me most sad right now is that last night when we were there comforting him he said one person's name and that was Art's. Art was right there next to him and he said Art's name. I felt like he could only focus on one person at a time and he just seemed so scared. Poor Dad. He used to be so strong and capable. Now he's just a shadow of himself.
It felt good to be with him yesterday. Erica and I sang some songs to him, but in the end we just cried and held onto each other and Dad. I'm starting to cry now thinking about all that we've been through together as a family, me, Erica, Mom, and Dad. I named Willow after Mom and Dad because Mom and Dad amaze me as I think of all that they did for us kids--the decisions that they made and the sacrifices. Last night as I stroked Dad's head I remembered the times he cared for me when I was sick and I hoped he could feel the love I have for him. I know that I feel that he really loved me, especially remembering all the years he's been my dad.
Dad adopted us on November 30, 1976, after he married my mom in September of 1976. I'm so glad he's my dad. I have two dads and I love them both.
I'm sure I'll have more to write, but now I need to get on my homework. I'm sure Dad would agree.
Now that I've been doing school for three weeks and am about to embark on my fourth week out of five for this course, I'm realizing just how little time I have every day to do what I want. Life is all about keeping the baby happy between reading email, reading for class, and doing homework.
(BTW, the rain this week has been wonderful. It just started really pouring outside and it's so nice to see that we are finally getting some moisture around here! Last Friday we got hail and slushy stuff, and we've been getting lots of rain at night, but nothing really major during the day. This is nice.)
Anyway, I'm kinda just living on less sleep and a low-grade headache. We don't have the money to get regular chiropractic care, so my neck and back have been tighter. I need to remember to drink more water. I end up staying up late to work on school because the best time to get stuff done is after Willow goes to bed between 7:30pm and 9:00 pm. I slept until 10 this morning (after getting up at 6 to feed Willow) and didn't get any food until around noon.
I have little patience for anything that I perceive will take me away from time at the computer baby-free. She is a cute little munchkin, and I don't want to have her being upset or unattended while I'm at the computer. So when she naps, I'm really jealous of my time at the computer. I want to be at the desktop computer, but that doesn't always happen.
I definitely will be taking off a week between classes. I want to be able to leave the house more often.
Mushy Mommy Stuff
Sometimes I just can't believe how lucky I am to have this baby girl of mine:
I look at her or think of her and remember that I get to keep her! I'm so lucky!
I think I understand the parent characters in movies and on TV. Before, I saw it all from a child's perspective. But now I see it. I have put SO MUCH of myself into this endeavor. My mother keeps telling me not to let it become an ego thing. I try to let it be a new thing every day. And I try to remember how lucky I am to have this little one in my life.
She's three and a half months old now and she's a wonderful child. I'm so happy I went through all the trouble to bring her into this world.
I love my baby girl Willow!
quick update
Before I go to bed, I need to say that I'm still here. It's harder to get to the computer now that ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.9) joelzero is out of work and working on getting his resume out there for to find a new job. I have started school and it's good so far. My favorite thing to do, though, is to make my baby Willow smile and laugh. She is SUPER CUTE! I have tons of photos on my camera and they have to be uploaded to Flickr and then I can put pics on here. I want to share with everyone.
She is 3 months old now and is thinking about rolling over! I keep trying to get her to do tummy time. My goal is to actually do it daily. After that I'll try doing it three times daily. Then, I'll try for 5 minutes each time, three times daily.
Baby steps indeed.
Willow and her daddy
Here's a photo we recently took of Willow and her daddy. I love her cheeks!
She's getting to be such a big girl now! Over the last few days she has been clasping her hands together, and it's very cute. She also fits better into 3-6 month size clothes. It's fun to watch my little girl grow.
I'll post a more significant post when she reaches three months.
New Kinds of Fun
I am learning about new kinds of fun.
Singing the ABC song with three-year-old girls.
Holding my beautiful daughter.
Pointing at little C and he points back.
Watching Willow sleep.
Getting up at 4:30 am to feed the baby and successfully getting her to go back to sleep.
Making faces at Willow.
Seeing Willow smile.
Watching Joel make faces at Willow.
Taking my baby out somewhere and having people tell me what a lovely child I have.
I know that things have changed, and definitely for the better. I'm glad that we have this moment to live.
Wow
I made it through my email inbox. I should clean it out more often.
New Year's Resolutions, 2009:
Make lists every day of what I want to do that day.
Eat more servings of fresh veggies every day.
Sew and scrapbook more.
I need to finish my application to University of Phoenix. I need to email G about my schedule so I can work with her.
That is all for now. Damn, it's getting late.
Two Months Old
Willow turned two months old on Monday.
She has been on "nursing strike" since we got back from Christmas in Hanford. She will only happily drink from the b****t if I am completely engorged. She wiggles and pulls at the nipple if I'm not, and then cries and won't even try after a while. This is disheartening, but at least I can pump and get her b****tmilk that way.
I have noticed her hands and feet are bigger and she seems longer. Her eyelashes are longer, and she stays up for longer and longer amounts of time. I have been reading her books and she seems like she's paying attention. She smiles beautifully.
I am going to sign up for Parent Participation Classes, which start next week. I have tons of photos on my camera and I need to get them off of there and online so I can share them.
I love my baby girl.
I was extremely sad when the nursing strike began. It's brought a feeling of being rejected by my child. But I continue to offer her the b****t and continue to try to get her back on track. All that matters is that she's getting food and is content.
Other than that, life revolves around the baby's sleeping patterns. My biggest hope each day is that I get to take a shower. Putting her down to sleep is easy these days. I am thankful for that.
...it looked like she was waking up, but...she closed her eyes...nope, she's awake...maybe I'll get a shower in another hour, we'll see...
Life with Baby Willow
Tomorrow she will be four weeks old. We have been working on b****tfeeding and getting her to sleep. She likes to fall asleep in the Ergo carrier and if we put her down in the crib at the right time she sleeps for quite a while in the crib or the Pack N Play. Her wiggling is awesomely cute. I'm learning her cries. She tends to cry loudest and longest when she is hungry. When she's tired or bored the cries come in waves. She moves her hands like she's playing the bongo drums when she's agitated. She makes the cutest faces. I can't wait to see what color her eyes are! Her hair seems reddish.
Yesterday I got to take a long bath/shower thanks to my friend Carla. She came over to keep Willow company and feed her a bottle of b****tmilk while I got to relax. I was extremely tired yesterday but there was not really any time that Willow allowed me to nap. Maybe I'll be able to do it today.
The days go by quite slowly, but also quickly. For example, I can't believe it's already 3 in the afternoon, yet yesterday feels like it was last week.
I'm hanging on to the fact that one day she will be awake more and she'll be more interactive. Right now I have to either carry her with me or leave her in some kind of bed or the car seat. I still check to make sure she's breathing. She wakes me up in the night with little noises, and if I decide to stay in bed for just a while longer she just gets a bit louder. By the time I get up and bring her out to change a nappy and feed her she tends to start with the crying.
She doesn't mind noise and seems to be soothed by it. She is wearing cloth nappies and they are super huge on her--they make her have a big butt. As a result, the newborn-sized jammies fit best, except around the butt area. My favorite jammies of hers fit very strangely because of this.
We took our longest trip ever with Willow this past weekend. We went to Hanford. It ended up being a kind of a trial run for the Thanksgiving weekend. It will be interesting to see how we manage caring for her at Mom's house in Solvang.
I wish I could have blogged more over the past four weeks, but my life has been revolving around the baby, as it should. I leave you now with a photo taken the morning of November 8. I woke up and looked over and saw how cute she was and had to capture the moment.
Progress Report
This morning, when I got up around 8:20 or so, I got "bloody show." I had an appointment today at the ob/gyn's and the midwife had me get an ultrasound to check the amniotic fluid, since her test showed that I was "borderline" on the amount of amniotic fluid I had. The ultrasound tech office had to squeeze me in, so I sat in their waiting room for what felt like forever. The final result was that the fluid level was fine. I had felt like something was going on down there, so I had the midwife check to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid, but she said no. I go in for another non-stress test on Saturday morning and if nothing happens by Monday night, I go in to be induced.
I would like to avoid having to take drugs to be induced, and the midwife agrees with me. I have been feeling contractions, and now that there's been bloody show, it seems that things may go spontaneously before Monday. Keep your fingers crossed, everyone!
-4 (or 0) Days to Go!
Yes, that's right, the baby hasn't made her appearance yet! She's happily growing away...I get contractions at night, mostly, and yesterday the midwife checked and said that my cervix has thinned but there is no dilation yet.
I am fine with this for now. I know the baby will come when she's ready. I'm okay if it's next week or the week after, I just don't want to have the midwives give me any drugs to get it started. I looked up acupressure stuff to see what can be used to start labor up, and I think we'll try that if things don't progress soon. My next appointment is on Tuesday if the baby doesn't come before then. They will be doing an ultrasound to check on the level of amniotic fluid and they'll be doing what I think is called a nonstress test (or is it a stress test?) to see if the baby's heartbeat changes with movement.
For now, it's just time to hang on. I have been pretty successful this month at getting some meditation in on a daily basis, at least on the weekdays, and that has really helped. I will be attempting to go on walks every day as well, because that's supposed to help with getting labor started.
My sister edsnug calls me every day to check on me, since she's a second grade teacher and has to prepare the lessons ahead of time just in case a sub has to come in. She says that she tries to be as detailed as possible, since she's been a sub before. I admire her for that.
I went to my first official SLO County Mommies event today, and it was pretty fun. I had to drive to Pismo and I got there about 15 minutes early, so I went and got a coffee and walked down to the beach to watch the surfers. I got to the event at pretty much exactly 10:30 and it looked like everyone had gotten there earlier. Now I know that I can get there early and it's no biggie. My friend L was there and I met many friendly mommies. Plus, I got to see a cute pinata breaking. It's fun when all the kids are so little. I think the oldest kid must have been pushing 5, but there were babies who were less than a month old on up. The event was a birthday party and the kid whose birthday it was turned 3 today. Very fun.
Who knows, maybe we'll be having our baby tonight! I'll report back with news whenever it happens...or maybe I'll be back with my weekly update next Thursday.
Birthday Wishes
You are a superstar! Thanks for being such a wonderful person to know.
3 (or 7) Days to Go!
I'm not one of those people who says, "get this baby out of me!" but it would be really nice to know exactly when the baby is going to arrive. The reason why is because edsnug bought her a Halloween costume--the costume I wanted to buy but didn't because I wasn't sure if she would be born in time to wear it--the chili pepper! Plus, it would be nice if I could know what I could be for Halloween, but oh well, no matter. I'll plan on being here to give out candy or maybe go to a party. Either way, I really want to make some kind of cool dessert for Halloween.
I felt some contractions the other night while I was sleeping and I think I also felt one on Saturday night. I have gotten calls from people checking to see how we're doing and that has been nice. I also have gotten a bit tired of the question, "when are you going to pop?" and responded last night, sarcastically, that I'm "not a balloon." Unfortunately I didn't realize I'd hurt the person's feelings that I was talking to. I've actually gotten pretty good at not doing that, it just so happened that I was a bit over the top with the snarkiness last night. Luckily the person involved was gracious enough to not hate me about it.
The midwife told me I'm "the picture of health" yesterday. joelzero and I did the belly cast last night and I think when we're done it'll turn out pretty cool. We took a picture of me while we were waiting for it to dry. Sitting for as long as I had to sit was extremely uncomfortable, and then taking the cast off was a bit hurty, but we got it done and now it has to dry for a day. We're thinking we'll do some decoupage on it. I had an idea this morning that we could put a kind of photo family tree on there, so we need to get copies of photos of the grandmas and grandpas and such to do that.
So now it's the waiting game. I am determined to relax as much as possible, although I do want to try to get the labor started without having to be induced by the midwives. All I've heard about induction sounds bad.
I'm excited to meet the baby, though! Yay, the day is quickly approaching!
10 (or 14) Days To Go!
Okay, so we're down to the last two weeks!
We went on the official tour of French Hospital last night. I have met with a couple of pediatricians and I think we've decided on Dr. Bravo. Dr. Bravo and joelzero both agree that we should preregister at Sierra Vista, so I guess we'll have to do that, I'm not sure when.
Sleeping has been more difficult this past week. The night before last I was up every 2 hours to go to the bathroom, plus it was super hot. Last night I only had to get up every 4 hours, so that was better. When I think about going to bed these days I think of what a long haul it's going to be--trying to get comfortable with the pillows between my knees, rolling over when my ear feels squished (and trying not to disturb JoelZero in the process), dragging myself out of bed to go to the bathroom--and I sometimes am filled with a feeling of vague dread. Of course I've been told that it's all in preparation for the awesomeness of the baby waking us up at all hours in the night when she needs us.
I am going to work on lining the toy box with the fabric I just got, and then I want to read the three or four books I have going right now. I have one on b****tfeeding, one on the first year of the baby's life, the Dr. Spock book, and a book on exercise during "the childbearing year." I also just got a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and I'm hoping that will be something to help me.
I've been praying for patience with babies, and let me tell you, when you pray for patience, look out for your patience to be tried. Last Thursday we watched Baby C while his daddy was out of town and his mommy was out with a friend. I have to hand it to him, he's a good teacher of patience. I have realized since that night that I need to remember that I asked for the lesson I received and take responsibility for how all the screaming made me feel rather than getting irritated. He's still learning, and so am I, and I am grateful that I have this precious time to build my skills before my little one comes along. I know that not all babies are the same, but at the same time I know that every human being has similar needs. I'd like to be a source of stability for Baby C and to be a bit more forgiving of the screaming. I've just always had a problem with screaming, whether it was kids or adults doing it, unless the person screaming is on a roller coaster or is in some kind of real danger.
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