It is food such as the above that make me want to dance. Which is a fine, fine counter to the politics behind food marketing.

A walk down the cooler aisle at most any grocery store here in the United States will uncover a whole slew of beverages whose packaging could make even the most unethical of marketers wince. (Ha-ha. Just kidding. We all know that most marketers have no ethics.) From fruit juices to energy drinks, most of the brands on the shelves are dressed in such a way that they give the appearance of being "good for you" without coming right out and making health claims. Over the years, they've pushed and pushed this line, with the grand-poobah of them all, Coca-Cola's Vitaminwater, not just pushing the line, but walking directly over it, dancing a little jig, and then setting up a camp site.

The key, you see, was its use of the word "vitamin", in its brand name. It would have been the ultimate form of marketing had the drink, y'know, they hadn't implied that they were the worlds' healthiest beverage. Watchdog group Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) noticed Coke's implication in their marketing and filed suit. They allege that:

... vitaminwater’s labeling and marketing is misleading because it: (1) “bombard[s] consumers with a message of purported benefits, and draw[s] consumer attention away from the significant amount of sugar in the product,”

While that seems a bit innocuous at first, once CSPI lists out the amount of claims the vitaminwater makes, one does begin to wonder how much health benefit one is supposed to be able to gain from 16 ounces of sugar water. For example, CSPI points out the following items :

1. The description of the product as a “Nutrient-Enhanced Water Beverage”;

2. The phrase “vitamins + water = all you need” on the product label;
3. Flavor names such as “rescue” and “defense”;

4. The name “vitaminwater” itself;

5. The statement “vitamins + water = what’s in your hand” on in-store advertising materials;

6. The statement “this combination of zinc and fortifying vitamins can . . . keep you healthy as a horse” on the label of vitaminwater’s “defense” flavor;

7. The statement “specially formulated to support optimal metabolic function with antioxidants that may reduce the risk of chronic diseases, and vitamins necessary for the generation and utilization of energy from food” on the label of vitaminwater’s “rescue” flavor;

8. The statement “specially formulated to provide vitamin [A] (a nutrient known to be required for visual function), antioxidants and other nutrients [that] scientific evidence suggests may reduce the risk of age-related eye disease” on the label of vitaminwater’s “focus” flavor;

9. The statement “specially formulated with bioactive components that contribute to an active lifestyle by promoting healthy, pain-free functioning of joints, structural integrity of joints and bones, and optimal generation and utilization of energy from food” on the label of vitaminwater’s “balance” flavor;

10. The statement “specially formulated with nutrients required for optimal functioning of the immune system, and the generation and utilization of energy from food to support immune and other metabolic activities” on the label of vitaminwater’s “defense” flavor;

11. The statement “specially formulated with [B] vitamins and theanine. The [B] vitamins are there to replace those lost during times of stress (physical and mental). Theanine is an amino acid found naturally in tea leaves and has been shown to promote feelings of relaxation. This combination can help bring about a healthy state of physical and mental being” on the label of vitaminwater’s “Brelaxed” flavor;

12. The statement “specially formulated with nutrients that enable the body to exert physical power by contributing to structural integrity of the musculoskeletal system, and by supporting optimal generation and utilization from food” on the label of vitaminwater’s “Power-C” flavor.

In other words, Coca-Cola puts a lot of health statements on the bottle and hopes that the consumer infers that the product will help improve their eyesight, or help reduce stress, when, in fact, there is no evidence that substantiates any such claim.

Of course Coke thinks that the lawsuit by CSPI is bunk, and asked for it to be dismissed. They stated "that no reasonable consumer could have been misled by vitaminwater’s labeling because:

(1) the FDA-mandated label on each bottle bears the true facts about the amount of sugar per serving;

(2) the allegations about brand names like “vitaminwater,” the one-word flavor names like “rescue,” slogans like “vitamins + water = all you need,” and sayings like “healthy as a horse” describe only puffery; and

(3) no reasonable consumer could believe that vitamins and water are literally “all they need to survive” or all that “is in your hand” when holding a bottle that disclosed the presence of sugar.

The Judge providing over the motion to dismiss, essentially told Coca-Cola's lawyers that there was cause to proceed, and disallowed their motion.

It's a bit unfair to make Coca-Cola the only bad guy in all of this. After all, as Marion Nestle has pointed out time and again, a great many products have a fair bit of misleading information.

What this lawsuit does demonstrate is how fast and loose many marketers are willing to play with the facts. In the world of a marketer, even the most minimal of health benefits should be acknowledged, regardless of how shitty the rest of the product may be. Companies do this all. of. the. time. And when someone calls them on it, they either say "Hey, it's the consumer's responsibility to read the true nutritional label." or they shuffle their feet and grin, saying "Well it's only advertising. The consumer knows it's advertising."

Here's the thing - they know they're playing fast and loose with the facts. It's a shell game to them. They want us to believe that advertising is only entertainment, and shouldn't be taken seriously. But they know how well health claims help the bottom line, which is why they use them in the first place.

And considering all of the above, it makes this Vitaminwater label that much more ironic:

My schedule is such that I am required to have my alarm go off at four-thirty in the morning. Yes, I realize this is crazy. However, if I wish to continue participating in three separate jobs, I need to budget my time appropriately and cut corners whenever possible. At the moment, my schedule is the best possible solution for all of my obligations.

What this also means is that there needs to be some sort of metaphorical carrot placed in front of me every AM that motivates me enough to trick myself into believing that everything is okay, that the compromises in my life that I have made are worth it, and that, by gum, I can accomplish whatever I set out to do, if only I can manage to corral the appropriate resources. My motivator of choice? That's simple...

Drugs.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Those of you who instantaneously reacted in a prohibitionist manner, let me explain. My drug of choice is the socially acceptable drug known as caffeine. My medium of choice for this drug? Coffee.

...

I'm sorry for the pause, as I needed a quick moment to collect myself. My love for coffee is unrepentant. I am shameless in my dalliances in the beverage. Just walking into a coffee house here in Seattle is enough to make me understand that all is right in the world, mostly because it is the aroma of coffee that is the siren's call. Is there any other aroma that transfixes so many people out there? The only answers out there that comes close is the smell of cut grass or the aroma of a freshly baked pumpkin pie.

The thing is, I understand how the aroma affects me from a scientific point of view. Coffee aroma is perceived nasally by smelling the coffee through the nose, or retronasally, when the coffee is either present in the mouth or has been swallowed and aromatic compounds travel into the nasal passage through internal means. I much prefer the former to the latter.

I also know, at least in the abstract, that it is the Maillard Reaction of the roast, and the Strecker degradation, which help create the aromatics. But coffee is one of the few items on this planet where I can understand the science, and not lose the romance surrounding the product. Whenever I smell freshly roasted coffee beans, or freshly brewed coffee, I look like a stoner at a Phish concert.

I even understand that the effects of caffeine are more in line with a chemical addiction than believing that the coffee stimulates me. As You are not so Smart explains:

Caffeine is an adenosine antagonist. This means it prevents adenosine from doing its job.

Your brain is filled with keys which fit specific keyholes. Adenosine is one of those keys, but caffeine can fit in the same keyhole.

When caffeine gets in there, it keeps adenosine from getting in.

Adenosine does a lot of stuff all throughout your body, but the most noticeable job it has is to suppress your nervous system. With caffeine stuck in the keyhole, adenosine can’t calm you down. It can’t make you drowsy. It can’t get you to shut up.

That crazy wired feeling you get when you drink a lot of coffee is what it feels like when your brain can’t turn itself off.

To compensate, your brain creates a ton of new receptor sites. The plan is to have more keyholes than false keys.

The result is you become very sensitive to adenosine, and without coffee you get overwhelmed by its effects.

After eight hours of sleep, you wake up with a head swimming with adenosine. You feel like shit until you get that black gold in you to clean out those receptor sites.

That perk you feel isn’t adding anything substantial to you – it’s bringing you back to just above zero.

I know all of this, yet I still run to my 16 oz Americano whenever I can. It brings just enough joy to my life that I can rationalize the risks and compromises away, and move on with my day. Oh coffee, I can't quit you!

Here are some more pics of candy from my recent trip, with a few first impressions.

Caramels

I picked these up whilst in Paris. At the moment, the name of the makers escape me, for reasons that are nothing more than an excuse. What makes them notable to me is how different they taste from your typical American caramels. For one, these caramels came in several "flavors" (or more precise, had several varieties of caramels), including strawberry and pineapple. Secondly, the butter used is so prevalent that it makes these caramels taste far more delectable and thus far more wicked. These were quite likely the best candies I had on the trip.

Callison d'Aix

These are a French confection, a marzipan treat flavored with a hint of melon, and then iced. These were also quite good. However, I've had these in Seattle, and they seemingly can pick up outside flavors.

Milk Bottles

A British treat, a gummi product with a distinct dairy taste to them. You can also find a variation of these called milk shakes, which add flavors such as chocolate, strawberry, and banana.

Everton Mints

Another British mint boiled sweet. If you can't find a mint in Britain, you're simply not looking. Almost every region of Britain have their own type of mint boiled sweet.

Nougat

I picked this up as Nougat is one of 'historically significant' confections out there. I'll be discussing these later. I should note that these are not British at all.

Barley Sugar

One of the very basic boiled sweets found in Britain. This version has little in relation to the Barley Sugars found in the past, which had more in line with Rock candies (the stick version, not the rock version.)

Orange Fizzes

There's an entire subset of boiled sweets in Britain that deal with Fizzes. It's basically a candy coated with a powder of bicarbonate of soda and tartaric acid.

Army Navys

One of the several licorice flavored boiled sweets that started life as a medicine/lozenge. There are many variations of these withe different recipes. This one had a heavy clove and aniseed mixture. Very bizarre.

Kola Kubes

Here in the States, Cola is used almost exclusively in soda (you can find it in a gummy candy or two). In Britain, it's found in several variations of candy. This is one variation that I picked up at Harrod's.

Licorice Comfits

Traditional version of a comfit. Fans of Good n Plenty will immediately be drawn to these.

Raspberry/Blackberry Jams

A gummi that we can find here in the States.

English Apples

Another tart boiled sweet.

Apple Custards

The custard flavor is also used quite a bit in British confection. So while we associate custard with a texture, in Britain, it is seen more as a flavor (a creamy-vanilla, if that makes sense).

Pear Drops

What I love about about the British boiled sweet tradition is the full gamut of flavors one can find. Typically one doesn't apply the word 'subtle' to candies, as the flavors are often quite bold. Yet Pear Drops are often quite subtle. Sure the sweetness is there, but the defining characteristic of of the pear flavor is restraint. This alone makes this candy notable.

I try not to use the word "scam" lightly. After all, value is often determined by the buyer along with the seller, and if someone wishes to spend $35 on a bottle of juice, then it's not up to me to stop them.

Not to mention the fact that there are about 10,000 copies of a book out there that contains anecdotal evidence of me spending over $200 on two bottles of whiskey. So, yeah. To each their own.

With all of that being said, I can't help but feel a little skeevy looking at products from MonaVie.

"What is MonaVie?", some of you are asking. This is a good question. On the surface, they are little more than a Tupperware party that sells juice instead of plastic containers. That the suggested price of these bottles of juice run between $25 to $35 dollars for 24 ounces makes them a little more interesting to me.

What do these drinks provide in order for them to suggest such high numbers? From their website -

From powerful antioxidant support to joint, heart, and immune health, MonaVie’s body-beneficial products provide the nutrition you need for a healthy and active lifestyle.

...

Delivering a wide array of antioxidants, vitamins, and phytonutrients, as well as other beneficial ingredients like Wellmune®, plant-derived glucosamine, and plant sterols, every serving is guaranteed to be as efficacious as it is delicious.

In other words, they're supposed to be healthy. So healthy in fact, that it is suggested that the consumer of these juices should only drink 2 oz. at a time, twice a day (once in the morning, once in the evening). After all, one wouldn't want to drink too much health.

Moving beyond their market-speak, a quick look at the label of one of their products reveals what's within:

Proprietary blend of acai (freeze-dried powder and acai puree); fruit juice from concentrate (white grape, nashi pear, acerola, aronia, purple grape, cranberry, passion fruit, apricot, prune, kiwi, blueberry, wolfberry, pomegranate, lychee, camu camu); fruit puree (pear, banana, bilberry); citric acid, natural flavor, sodium benzoate (preservative), potassium sorbate (preservative).

And what are the benefits from this? Well, if the label is to be believed - 25% of your recommended daily allowance of Vitamin C, 12 of the RDA for Vitamin K, and 2% of Iron.

For a point of comparison, here's the ingredient list of a juice I drink often -

Purified Water, Organic Raspberry juice from concentrate, Organic Strawberry juice from concentrate, Citric Acid, Calcium, Potassium, Vitamin C, Magnesium, Vitamin E, Vitamin b-3, Zinc, Sucralose, Pantothenic Acid, Manganese, Vitamin B-6, Vitamin A, Vitamin B-2, Vitamin B-1, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, Biotin, Vitamin b-12

The benefits here? Well, take a look at the label yourself.

Granted, a great majority of the vitamins in the drink are water soluble, and won't last in anyone's system all that long and need to be replaced daily. Those are the 8 B vitamins and vitamin C.

Let me make it clear. I'm not saying that the juice I drink is healthy. I'm only suggesting that it is healthier than MonaVie.

Oh, and by the way? The cost for the juice drink above? $1.59. A far cry from the $35 that consumers of MonaVie are paying.

If you find my view suspect, let me quote Dr. Andrew Weil:

MonaVie is an expensive way to get your antioxidants - it sells for about $40 for a 25.3 ounce bottle. That works out to $4 to $6 per day if you use it as directed. While it is probably safe, I recommend sticking closer to home for your protective phytonutrients. Opt for organically grown blueberries, which are more available, much less expensive, and give you fiber as well as plenty of antioxidant activity. And don't forget black raspberries and pomegranates, both of which have health benefits for which there is good scientific evidence.

As for the glucosamine in some MonaVie products, there are less expensive ways to get that, too. If you have osteoarthritis, I think glucosamine is worth trying, and it may help restore damaged cartilage in joints. But buy a good brand of it and use the recommended dosage for a trial period - two months, say - to see if it helps. If you do not have osteoarthritis, you do not need glucosamine, nor do children need it.

So if MonaVie isn't actually selling a healthy drink, then what are they selling? Forbes Magazine lets us in on MonaVie's secret:

In the distributional art form known euphemistically as "multilevel marketing" and more crassly as a pyramid, a seller attempts to recruit other sellers, who recruit still others, and so on. Members get a percentage of revenues hauled in at some or all points below them in the pyramid, so those close to the top can do very well for themselves. The Direct Selling Association, a trade group, pegs the collective revenues of multilevel vendors at $30 billion in the U.S. and $111 billion worldwide. Exotic juices, nutritional supplements and cosmetics are among the favorites of the pyramid crowd.

Team is one step ahead of all these juice selling schemes. It is a pyramid atop a pyramid. It is selling motivational aids to help MonaVie vendors move the juice. But wait. If you can't earn back the $258 you've spent on the motivational lectures by selling $39 juice bottles, you could earn it back in another way--getting people to buy $258 motivational lectures. If you're good, you flog the lectures to other people, who sell them to yet others. Everybody gets rich. Everybody, that is, except the last round of buyers. That's the theory, anyway. The reality is that a mere 1% of Team members make any money from involvement with the firm.

In other words, it's a pyramid scheme. It's fruit juice in superior packaging. It's very likely a scam designed to make their president, one Mr. Dallin Larsen, wealthy.